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NEWSFLASH: Camilla Parker Bowles says that she is very happy to be getting married, but says that she has turned down the Queen’s offer of a free weekend in Paris with car and driver.

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Here’s some harmless fun you can have right now with your digital camera.

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A ticklish business, artificially inseminating an elephant.

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Chai got pregnant by natural means last time around, but it wasn’t all candy and flowers. She had to endure the stress of getting shipped off to a zoo in Missouri, where some of her fellow elephants showed her hostility. She came home with scars and a few chunks missing from her ears.

There was even less romance this time, but at least she got to stay home at the zoo’s spacious elephant compound and house. Nearby was her calf, Hansa, who was born Nov. 3, 2000, becoming the first elephant ever delivered at the 100-year-old Seattle zoo.

Setting the stage was no easy task.

Dr. Thomas Hildebrandt, one of two world-renowned German scientists called in to help, wore a bicycle helmet, ultrasound imaging goggles and covered himself in plastic protective gear.

Hmmm… and they call me kinky…