[The Register reports...]

Here’s something quite sinister for armchair conspiracy theorists: it appears that US prez George Bush has final approval on the the UK version of Google Maps and has decided to redesign the world in a way that more adequately reflects his own particular vision.

As reader Mike Clark explains:

If you visit http://maps.google.co.uk you’ll start off with a map showing the southern part of the UK. Zoom out to maximum distance using the slider on the left, and then pan around to see a unique world view that would warm Dubya’s cockles…

That’s right. In Google’s Brave New World, potential threats to US national security have been neutralised by airbrushing them from the surface of the globe. Naturally, the UK survives the apocalypse by virtue of its “special relationship” with the US:

We were initially baffled as to why Central America and several Caribbean islands – including Cuba – have been spared. Then it dawned on us: the former is vital to the US economy as the supplier of orange-picking, dish-washing immigrants; the latter an essential justification for the continued existence of the US weapons development programme. After all, if you haven’t got at least one cigar-puffing Commie building an enormous underground chemical weapons plant, then what’s the point of spending $8m on research into ground-penetrating nukes?

Components include: (1) PC screens; (2) printers; (3) industrial lights; (4) satellite dishes; (5) computer mice; (6) toasters; (7) vacuum cleaners; (8) heaters; (9) washing machines; (10) microwaves

[Quote:]

A three-tonne humanoid figure made out of electronic waste is being unveiled on London’s South Bank.

To illustrate the size of the e-waste problem, the Royal Society of Arts (RSA) has built the sculpture, which weighs three tonnes and stands seven metres tall.

It is made up of the average quantity of WEEE (Waste Electrical and Electronic Equipment) an individual disposes of in a lifetime, including five fridges, 12 kettles and 35 mobile phones.

A European Union WEEE directive is expected to be introduced in the UK in early 2006, which makes producers of consumer electronics responsible for the recycling and disposal of goods returned to them at the end of their life.

Its implementation was delayed by the government because it requires a lot of communication between local authorities, councils and the technology industry.

The RSA hopes the striking figure on the South Bank will raise public awareness of WEEE and prompt consumers, retailers, designers and manufacturers to focus on recycling, reuse, repair, refurbishment, and sustainable manufacturing.

[Quote:]

Een tikfoutje in een e-mailadres maakt de net afgestudeerde negendejaars rechtenstudent Reinder Eekhof uit Utrecht tot de risee van de Nederlandse advocatuur.

Zijn elektronische sollicitatiebrief is van hand tot hand gegaan onder duizenden juristen, voorzien van genadeloos commentaar: ‘Succes met je carriere, Eekhof!’

Het in studentikoze taal geschreven bericht was eigenlijk bestemd voor een vriend die advocaat is bij Houthoff Buruma in Amsterdam. Eekhof tikte echter een letter van het e-mailadres verkeerd in. Daardoor kwam het bericht terecht bij de personeelsmanager van Houthoff Buruma.

[..]

De personeelsmanager vond zijn verhaal zo grappig dat ze het doorstuurde naar een aantal werknemers van Houthoff. Die stuurden het op hun beurt naar bevriende juristen overal in Nederland. Binnen 24 uur verspreidde het zich door het hele Nederlandse bedrijfsleven. Duizenden juristen lachten. Eekhof baalt.

[Quote:]

-----Original Message-----
From: Reinder Eekhof [mailto:R.Eekhof@nl.tiscali.com]
Sent: dinsdag 5 april 2005 9:30
To: Stam, Marjolijn
Subject: Holadioo

Ha die Stampert!!

Alles lekker, sluwe advocaat? Hier alles best. Ik heb net eindelijk een punt gezet achter die fuckstudie, dus helaas is het moment aangebroken om iemand te vinden die gek genoeg is om mij elke maand een koffer geld in mijn schoot te werpen. Hoewel ik mij na het mislukken van Plan Stam/Eekhof advocaten gedesillusioneerd heb afgewend van de juridische praktijk, is het tijdens mijn scriptie auteursrecht toch weer gaan kriebelen. Bovendien had ik een 9 voor het werkje, wat mij natuurlijk ook de indruk gaf niet geheel van talent gespeend te zijn. Nu zag ik bij jullie mooie bazen een vacature Intellectueel Eigendom. Is die er nog, dat jij weet? ik vind nl. eigenlijk geen enkel ander rechtsgebied echt interessant, dus als ik de steven tot de advocatuur wend, moet het wel iets met IE zijn.

Mochten jullie nog op zoek zijn, dan moet ik misschien één dezer dagen eens een brief in elkaar vlammen!

Met vriendelijke groet,

Reinder Eekstra

[Quote:]

A state department report which showed an increase in terrorism incidents around the world in 2004 was altered to strip it of its pessimistic statistics, it emerged yesterday.

The country-by-country report, Patterns of Global Terrorism, has come out every year since 1986, accompanied by statistical tables.

This year’s edition showed a big increase, from 172 significant terrorist attacks in 2003 to 655 in 2004.

Much of the increase took place in Iraq, contradicting recent Pentagon claims that the insurgency there is waning.

Condoleezza Rice, the secretary of state, ordered the report to be withdrawn and a new one issued minus the statistics.

[Quote:]

The Sumo Tube is a new, exciting, and challenging freestyle towable that is not connected to the boat. The rider slides into the Sumo suit and holds on to a grab handle on the end of a 60′ rope. The rider can roll 360s from left to right, jump the wakes, steer left and right by moving their arms, or just glide across the water’s surface. It’s a fast and fun bodysurfing thrill ride. The Sumo Tube can also be used in the crashing waves as a body surfing tube. The Sumo tube is one chamber and inflates quickly.

[Quote:]

Two women who gave their life savings to an apocalyptic religious group say they are victims of fraud.

Now, Kaziah Hancock and Cindy Stewart took their lawsuit against The True and Living Church of Jesus Christ of Saints of The Last Days to the Utah Court of Appeals.

They claim the church failed to make good on promises that the women get land and see Christ in return for their money.

Stewart turned over her life savings to the church. Hancock sold her farm and gave the church the proceeds.

In return, church leader Jim Harmston allegedly promised the women membership in the “Church of the Firstborn,” that they would see Christ face-to-face, and be given land.

An attorney for Harmston argued that the promises are rooted in church doctrine, not a business contract.

But an attorney representing the women says Harmston and the church should not be allowed to create a “religious cocoon” to protect themselves.

[Quote:]

Opera’s CEO, Jon S. von Tetzchner heroically saved the life of his PR Manager in a dramatic development this morning when “Phantom”, the company inflatable raft, was punctured off the coast of southern Norway. Rumors circulate about possible sabotage, but it may just have been the raft’s poor condition that resulted in its complete breakdown as Jon and his helper started on day 2 of their transatlantic swim.

I’m glad there are still companies around with a sense of humor…