After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. “So, how is everything going?” inquired God. “It is all so beautiful, God,” she replied. “The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem. It is these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They are a real pain,” reported Eve.

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more symmetrically ‘balanced’, as she put it.

“That is a fair point,” replied God, “But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.” And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. “Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?” “Just fantastic,” she replied, “But for one oversight on your part. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.”

God thought for a moment and said, “You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from apart of you. Now let’s see… where did I put that useless boob?”

Now doesn’t THAT make more sense than that crap about the rib?

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Wal-Mart and its Washington, D.C., lobbyist, the Retail Industry Leaders Association (RILA), have systematically undermined America’s security by working to defeat or weaken rules to make America’s seaports and supply chains safe from terrorist attacks. A new report by the AFL-CIO, Unchecked: How Wal-Mart Uses Its Might to Block Port Security, documents their efforts since the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks to ensure that “security requirements should not become a barrier to trade.”

With $11.2 billion in profits last year, Wal-Mart is RILA’s biggest and most influential member by far. Wal-Mart counts on the trade group’s representation in matters ranging from Maryland’s state law requiring large employers to pay minimal amounts for workers’ health care to challenges of other countries’ zoning and investment laws before the World Trade Organization.

[..]

From the report:

Wal-Mart has given $191,500 to current House Homeland Security Committee members since 2000–all but $9,500 of that since the September 2001 attacks. Eighteen of the committee’s 19 Republican members took in $173,000–90 percent of the total–and four of the committee’s 14 Democrats collected $18,500.

In the past eight years, Wal-Mart’s Washington Political Action Committee put more than $360,000 into current members of the powerful House Ways and Means Committee. Twenty-three of the committee’s 24 Republicans took Wal-Mart’s money–82 percent of the total–as did eight of the committee’s 17 Democrats.

Wal-Mart also has spent $63,000 on current members of the Senate Committee on Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs in the past eight years–more than two-thirds of that since September 2001. Ninety-six percent of Wal-Mart’s spending went to the committee’s Republican members.

I’m confused – isn’t this simply called “corruption”?

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When an Orlando mall security officer responded to a complaint about a man exposing himself to a girl in the food court, the suspect hurried out of the mall and ran through the parking lot.

The suspect was Frank Figueroa, then one of Florida’s highest-ranking federal law enforcement officers and the former head of a national program formed to target child sex predators. Since his Oct. 25 arrest at The Mall at Millenia, Figueroa has been suspended from his post as the special agent in charge of the Tampa office of Immigration and Customs Enforcement, the law enforcement arm of the Department of Homeland Security.

You think it’s bad that the guy who’s the former head of a national program formed to target child sex predators is arrested for the very thing he was responsible for? It’s worse than that:

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Homeland Security responded in writing Dec. 5, through Pamela J. Turner, assistant secretary for legislative affairs. Turner said Figueroa had been arrested “for similar behavior” in Amherst, N.Y., in 1977.

The case was dismissed, Turner wrote, “in the interest of justice because the perpetrator was never identified.”

At the time, Figueroa was an inspector with the Buffalo, N.Y., customs office.

In Figueroa’s defense, he has pleaded not guilty, and his lawyer insists that the ’77 case, which was dropped, is irrelevant. The USA is founded on laws that protect people charged with crimes. In America, all are innocent until proven guilty.

Again, no party affiliation is known for Figueroa, but I have to talk about Bush and the Republican party for a moment.

Earlier this week I posted about The deputy press secretary for the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. These two cases raise an important question: just who is Bush talking about giving unlimited spying power to? The Bill of Rights was written specifically because men are not angels. Brian Doyle and Frank Figueroa may well be innocent of the charges they are accused of, but the simple truth is that these crimes are committed, and we know they’re committed more widely than anyone really knows.

There is a reason that Congress was given the power to hold the executive branch accountable. There’s a reason FISA was created. There’s a reason the Founding Fathers warned their heirs of the dangers that arise when we give leaders too much power during wartime. That reason is staring us in the face at this very moment — whether we travel down a road paved with the best of intentions or are undermined by those whose intents are evil from the beginning, the final destination ahead is always abuse, fear, and ultimately, tyranny.

James Madison, February 6, 1788:

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“If men were angels, no government would be necessary. If angels were to govern men, neither external nor internal controls on government would be necessary. In framing a government which is to be administered by men over men, the great difficulty lies in this: you must first enable the government to control the governed; and in the next place oblige it to control itself. A dependence on the people is, no doubt, the primary control on the government; but experience has taught mankind the necessity of auxiliary precautions.”

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Lisa, the mate of South Africa’s celebrated gorilla Max who stopped two bullets and a robber, has died on the operating table while being treated for a lump in her breast in Johannesburg on Wednesday.

“We regret to announce that she passed away today (Wednesday) while under anesthetic at 15:30 (1330 GMT),” said the JohannesburgZoo, where the gorillas lived.

The zoo said surgery of this nature was high risk to a gorilla of 35 years old. A post-mortem would be conducted.

Lisa came to Johannesburg Zoo from Moscow Zoo, and was the life-long partner of crime-fighter, Max.

Max rose to international fame by helping catch an armed robber who jumped into the primates’ enclosure in 1997.

Max attacked the armed man, who was being chased by police, apparently interpreting the intruder’s presence as a threat to Lisa. The man shot Max twice. Both the attacker and gorilla were admitted to hospital after the encounter.

Max died, aged 33, of natural causes in May 2004.

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De strijd tussen Rita Verdonk en Mark Rutte om het lijsttrekkerschap van de VVD is woensdag in alle hevigheid losgebrand. De minister voor Vreemdelingenzaken en Integratie wekte met haar uitspraken over haar daadkracht en duidelijkheid direct de ergernis van haar tegenstrever Rutte. VVD-minister Zalm hield het later op de dag op “aanloopproblemen”.

Verdonk koos de BouwRAI in Amsterdam als podium om zich te presenteren, maar ontlokte temidden van de door haar bejubelde ondernemers slechts een lauw applaus toen ze begon met de woorden:

“Ik doe het”. De belangrijkste reden voor haar om zich kandidaat te stellen, is te voorkomen dat Nederland volgend jaar een “een rampzalig links kabinet” krijgt van PvdA, SP en GroenLinks.

Ik heb dat zo ‘s aangekeken in de journaals en actualiteitenprogramma’s, en weet je wie ik echt mis? Koot en Bie.