Undaunted and undeterred by its failure to stem sectarian stupidity in the Bush Administration, the Iraq Study Group has decided to take another stab at victory, with a SURGE of its own.

Speaking on behalf of the ISG, Co-Chairman James Baker explained that their last effort did not utilize enough diplomats to quell Bush’s Shit-ite policies, or unduly Sunny scenarios.

“This time,�? Baker promised, “we intend to expand the membership of the ISG by at least 20,000, which will require a draft of all retired Cabinet members, Congressmen, and foreign service officers going back to the Kennedy Administration.�?

Co-Chairman Lee Hamilton added that new strategies would also be employed. “Instead of just lobbying the Administration during the day, and then going home to sleep in our own beds at night, this time we’re going to camp out in the White House 24/7.�?

However, many remained skeptical that 20,000 ISG personnel, even equipped with body armor, would be sufficient to suppress the random insanity of the Bush policies. As Senator Chuck Hagel put it, “putting these old folks in the meat grinder of this Administration is a fool’s errand, and may well be the biggest humanitarian disaster since Darfur.�?

Senator Joe Biden pointed out that “according to the Pentagon’s own counter-insurgency manual, it takes 50,000 troops alone just to dislodge Vice President Cheney from his underground bunker.�? 

[Quote:]

A man who was fed up with paying massive bank charges decided to give one of the high street giants a taste of its own medicine.

When Royal Bank of Scotland refused to refund £3,400 charges that Declan Purcell believed he was owed, he sent in the bailiffs.

Stunned customers at his branch of RBS watched as debt collectors seized four computers, two fax machines and a till filled with cash.

The branch manager was told that the items would be sold unless RBS came up with the money owed to Mr Purcell.

Only when the manager gave an undertaking that the debt would be paid did the bailiffs leave.

Mr Purcell said: “I think the bank was pretty shocked when the bailiffs went in. But my view is that this is exactly what they would have done to me.”

A drunk is stumbling through the woods when he happens upon a preacher baptising folk in the river. He ambles down to the water’s edge then trips and falls down before the holy man.

Almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, the preacher pipes up: “Lord have mercy on your drunken soul, brother – are you ready to find Jesus?” Out of his skull, the drunk agrees: “Yes, I am!” he replies. And with that, the preacher grabs him and dunks him under the water.

Moments later, he drags the boozer back up: “Brother, have you found Jesus?” “No, preacher,” stammers the drunk, “I have not!”. Stunned by this, the preacher sends the drunk down again… this time leaving him there a little longer.

Shortly he drags him back up again: “Rid your soul of the poison, brother – have you found Jesus?” Gasping for air, the drunk splutters a reply: “No, preacher – I have not!” At his wit’s end, the preacher sends the drunk down one last time.

A full minute later, he pulls him out: “For the love of God,” shouts the preacher, “tell me you’ve found Jesus!” Coughing his lungs up, the drunk wipes his eyes and turns to the preacher: “You sure this is where he fell in?”

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool, he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, “Sir, what will you have?” The man thought a moment, then replied, “A martini, please”. The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.

The robot then asked, “Sir, what is your IQ?” The man answered, “Oh, about 164.” The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity, inter-stellar space travel, the latest medical breakthroughs, etc. The man was most impressed. He left the bar, but thought he would try different tactic.

A while later he returned and took a seat. Again, the robot clicked and asked what he would have. “A martini, please.” Again it was superb.

The robot again asked, “What is your IQ, sir?” This time the man answered, “Oh, about 100″. So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, bass fishing and what to expect the Steelers to do this weekend. The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool…

Again a martini, and the question “What is your IQ?” This time the man drawled out “Uh… ’bout 50.” The robot clicked, then leaned close and very slowly asked, “A-r-e y-o-u-r p-e-o-p-l-e r-e-a-l-l-y g-o-i-n-g t-o n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e H-i-l-l-a-r-y?”

The EFF’s Cindy Cohn says,

Have you had any difficulties entering or leaving the United States? If so, EFF would like to hear from you.

After focusing attention on the Department of Homeland Security’s secret Automated Targeting System (ATS), we’re keen to uncover and document its effect on the law-abiding public. We’re interested in hearing from any travelers who have had repeated problems at the border or have been told by government agents that they are on a “list” or that there is some unexplained “problem” that needs to be resolved.

Please share your story with us by writing travel@eff.org and providing as much detail as possible. We will treat all responses confidentially and may contact you to follow-up.