“It’s a great day at Fred Kagan Neocon Plumbing! How may I help you?”
“Yeah, this is Gladys Higginbotham. You worked on my toilet a few months ago.”
“Yes, Mrs. Higginbotham. You must be calling to thank me for doing such a good job.”
“No, actually I’m calling because there’s raw sewage exploding out of my bowl and I need you to try something else.”
“Well, I’m afraid that’s impossible, ma’am. You must be looking at someone else’s toilet. Because you know our motto: ‘We fix it real good the first time so there’s no need for Plan B.’”
“Well, you better get over here because there’s shit flying out of my john because of your Plan A.”
“Look, ma’am, I understand these are tough times. But you to trust us. We listened very carefully to the plumbers on the ground and acted accordingly. Give it a chance to work. I mean, the job’s barely a few months old. Another three months is all we ask—six tops—and we can reassess the results and adjust the plumbing strategy accordingly. I’m sure it’s already starting to get better.”
“So you’re saying that the stream of fecal matter that’s flowing out of my bathroom, down the steps and into my living room is normal.”
“Totally to be expected, Mrs. Higginbotham. Trust us…we’ve been experts at this since early 2003.”
“Well, okay, but…six months tops.”
“Of course. Six months. Tops.”
We schrijven 8 mei 2007, een rustige net-niet-regenachtige dag in het lommerrijke Nijmegen. Zoals altijd zijn er straten opengebroken, dit maal is de Heyendaalseweg aan de beurt, een belangrijke verbinding tussen de stad en de universiteit. Niets aan de hand… Héé, kijk, daar fietst een student…
Maar wacht! We zien twee verdekt opgestelde heren, geniepig om het hoekje. Ze hebben bonnenboekies in hun hand. Wat zouden ze doen?
Aha, ze hebben het toch echt voorzien op studenten die noodgedwongen even een stukkie stoep meepakken.
Schrijf, schrijf, boete, schrijf, boete, schrijf, boete, schrijf, boete.
“Zo, nu nog drie uur staan en dan is de boetequota voor het hele jaar binnen. Ik had natuurlijk aan het begin van de straat kunnen staan om mensen te wijzen op de potentiële gevaren van op de stoep fietsen en daarmee respect en aanzien verdienen. Maar dit is zoveel hufteriger!”
“Dit mag echt niet hoor meneertje…”Of zouden het dezelfde Nijmeegse heren zijn die de aanhouding van hun ex-bazin onder het tapijt schoven?
Gisteravond omstreeks 17.15 op de Scheidingsweg te Nijmegen. Vuilniswagen van Geesink Norba rijdt veel te hard en slipt. Neemt 2 lantaarnpalen, een geparkeerde auto en een boom mee. Kostte minimaal twee gewonden maar er is alweer een leukevirale campagnevoor vuilnis geboren!
THE American army delivered an apology and blood money on Tuesday May 8th to the families of 19 Afghan civilians killed in March by marines. As in similar cases in Afghanistan and Iraq the killings, which took place on a road near Jalalabad in eastern Afghanistan, were discovered by journalists and initially denied by American commanders. Announcing the climb-down, an American colonel in Afghanistan told reporters: “I stand before you today deeply, deeply ashamed and terribly sorry that Americans have killed and wounded innocent Afghan people.”
This is unlikely to prevent many more such incidents. The killing of large numbers of civilians by American forces, through indisciplined firing or as a result of their heavy reliance on air-strikes, has been a bitter feature of the campaigns in Afghanistan and Iraq—just as it was in Vietnam. Indeed, later on Tuesday at least 21 civilians were killed in air-strikes in the southern province of Helmand, according to Asadullah Wafa, its pro-American governor. In Iraq on Wednesday, according to local security sources, an American helicopter involved in an attack against suspected insurgents killed a number of children at a primary school north of Baghdad.
The usual motive for buying spyware popup traffic is simple: Showing ads. Cover Netflix’s site with an ad for Blockbuster, and users may buy from Blockbuster instead. Same for other spyware advertisers.
But there are other plausible reasons to buy spyware traffic. In particular, cheap spyware traffic can be used to inflate a site’s traffic statistics. Buying widespread “forced visits” causes widely-used traffic measurements to overreport a site’s popularity: Traffic measurements mistakenly assume users arrived at the site because they actually wanted to go there, without considering the possibility that the visit was involuntary. Nonetheless, from the site’s perspective, forced visits offer real benefits: Investors will be willing to pay more to buy a site that seems to be more popular, and advertisers may be willing to pay more for their ads to appear. In some sectors, higher reported traffic may create a buzz of supposed popularity — helping to recruit bona fide users in the future.
Advertisers are parasites that manage to hook into both ends of the food chain. They suck producers dry under the false pretense of bringing consumers to them; and they suck consumers dry by inflating the prices of goods (to pay for the adverts that they are ignoring).
We have now reached a saturation point: there is literally nowhere left for the advertising industry to plaster their crap. Everywhere you look, there’s a fucking ad.
When the advertising industry is dead, there’ll be one MOTHER of a queue to dance on its grave.
Strange shapes and textures can be found in the neighborhood of the Cone Nebula. These patterns result from the tumultuous unrest that accompanies the formation of the open cluster of stars known as NGC 2264, the Snowflake cluster. To better understand this process, a detailed image of this region was taken in two colors of infrared light by the orbiting Spitzer Space Telescope. Bright stars from the Snowflake cluster dot the field. These stars soon heat up and destroy the gas and dust mountains in which they formed. One such dust mountain is the famous Cone Nebula, visible in the above image on the left, pointing toward a bright star near the center of the field. The entire NGC 2264 region is located about 2,500 light years away toward the constellation of the Unicorn (Monoceros).
The government will soon be able to sue parties involved in “hoaxes” that are mistaken for terrorism if a new bill is passed by Congress. The bill, entitled “The Terrorist Hoax Improvements Act of 2007,” was introduced by the Senate and will amend the federal criminal code to include a number of new clauses meant to up the ante on wasting government resources. The amendments include extensions to the prohibitions on the spread of false information and mailing threats, increases to maximum prison terms, and allowances for civil suits so that local and federal governments can attempt to recoup expenses related to an incident.
The bill’s introduction comes several months after the city of Boston made headlines over a “bomb scare” that turned out to be something not quite so serious. The Great Mooninite Scare of 2007 was, in fact, a guerrilla marketing campaign carried out by a marketing agency employed by the Cartoon Network for its popular late-night show Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Circuit boards with LED lights in the shape of a Mooninite were placed all over 10 cities in the US: Boston, New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Atlanta, Seattle, Portland, Austin, San Francisco, and Philadelphia.
The signs were in place for several weeks without incident. However, that changed one fateful day in January when a passenger on Boston’s mass transit system spotted one and alerted the authorities. The rest, as they say, is history. The police descended upon Boston and shut down large parts of the city over what they thought was an act of terrorism.
That brings us to where we are today, with the Terrorist Hoax Improvements Act of 2007. Although the Mooninite scare was determined to not be a hoax (but rather an unfortunate series of poor decisions), the provisions in the bill would allow the government to take civil action against parties involved in perceived hoaxes if they fail to “promptly and reasonably inform one or more parties… of the actual nature of the activity” once they learn about investigative action taking place. In the case of Boston, this means that everyone involved could be sued for not immediately informing the police of the campaign upon receiving news of the emergency reaction.
This sounds all well and good—who wouldn’t want the government to be reimbursed for resources wasted during a hoax? However, it also assumes that the local governments themselves aren’t contributing to the unnecessary waste of resources. The government can sue individuals for contributing to the wasting of resources (even if accidentally), but individuals cannot sue the city in return for the same.
It seems unlikely that someone who truly wants to incite terrorist-like panic would be deterred by the possibility of a civil suit. So what is the point of this bill, exactly?
In other words, it’s the “don’t make the government look stupid act”.
The director of a little-known U.S. spy agency that analyzes imagery from the skies says that the increasing availability of commercial satellite photos may require the government to restrict distribution.
“If there was a situation where any imagery products were being used by adversaries to kill Americans, I think we should act,” Vice Adm. Robert Murrett, director of the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency, said Tuesday in a rare interview at his office in Bethesda, Md.
“I could certainly foresee circumstances in which we would not want imagery to be openly disseminated of a sensitive site of any type, whether it is here or overseas,” he said.
Murrett oversees a growing intelligence discipline known as geospatial intelligence – the study of imagery, such as satellite pictures or video taken from aircraft, to discern features or activities happening anywhere on the planet.
A part of the Defense Department, his agency usually operates unnoticed to provide information on insurgencies, nuclear sites, terror camps or troop movements. In the United States, the agency is increasingly getting into the business of helping after natural disasters such as this week’s tornadoes in the Midwest, or for events that require heightened security such as President Bush’s Sunday trip to Jamestown, Va., for the 400th anniversary of the settlement’s founding.
Beware of he who would restrict you from information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master.
According to this article, the information is useful for at least two groups: Evil Terrorists who can’t read a map, and disaster relief agencies.
Now take a wild guess which one needs it more often.