Men: have you always wanted to develop one— and only one— breast on the left side of your chest? Well, if you have an elite military training background, live in Germany or are willing to move there, you can now fulfill your dreams of single-boobery. But you have to act fast.
Dozens of soldiers it the Wachbataillon (German for man with one breast, you know how concise German words are) unit, which performs drill displays at official events, are developing breasts on their left side because of the way they drill. It turns out that repeatedly slapping your chest in the same exact spot with heavy rifles can stimulate glands to produce hormones and cause a condition called one sided gynecomastia. (I’m sure the Germans have a single word for it but I don’t know what it is.) The condition has been diagnosed in 74 % of Wachbataillon members who have gone to army medics because of their “developments.”
Last month, Rolling Stone’s Matt Taibbi noted the absurdity of HSBC bankers skating on serious drug money laundering charges while hundreds of thousands of Americans sit behind bars for petty drug offenses. The Secret Service’s involvement in hunting down a 26-year-old charged with downloading too many scholarly articles is just another example of our justice system’s chillingly warped priorities.
Lori Stodghill was 31-years old, seven-months pregnant with twin boys and feeling sick when she arrived at St. Thomas More hospital in Cañon City on New Year’s Day 2006. She was vomiting and short of breath and she passed out as she was being wheeled into an examination room. Medical staff tried to resuscitate her but, as became clear only later, a main artery feeding her lungs was clogged and the clog led to a massive heart attack. Stodghill’s obstetrician, Dr. Pelham Staples, who also happened to be the obstetrician on call for emergencies that night, never answered a page. His patient died at the hospital less than an hour after she arrived and her twins died in her womb.
But when it came to mounting a defense in the Stodghill case, Catholic Health’s lawyers effectively turned the Church directives on their head. Catholic organizations have for decades fought to change federal and state laws that fail to protect “unborn persons,” and Catholic Health’s lawyers in this case had the chance to set precedent bolstering anti-abortion legal arguments. Instead, they are arguing state law protects doctors from liability concerning unborn fetuses on grounds that those fetuses are not persons with legal rights.
So life needs protection from conception (and thus we can’t have abortion) except when it costs the church money?