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Vatican reeling as DNA tests show communion wafers contain 0% Christ

Posted on March 3rd, 2013 at 15:23 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

The Vatican is this morning facing a further crisis after routine DNA tests revealed that the communion wafers used in Sunday mass contain 0% of the body and blood of Christ.

[..]

Catholic Simon Williams told us, “So what have I been eating all these years? It’s not bloody horse is it?”


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  1. There are times I’m glad I’m a non-catholic vegetarian! :-)

For Penney’s Heralded Boss, the Shine Is Off the Apple

Posted on March 3rd, 2013 at 12:02 by John Sinteur in category: Apple

[Quote]:

As he toured a J.C. Penney store before undertaking one of retailing’s most ambitious overhauls, Chief Executive Officer Ron Johnson bristled when a colleague suggested that he test his new no-discounts strategy at a few stores before rolling it out at all 1,100.

“We didn’t test at Apple, ” the executive recalled Mr. Johnson, hired away from the gadget maker, saying.

Seven months later, sales at the new Penney had dropped by double-digits.

Well, yeah. Apple doesn’t discount because they sell stuff that people really, really want and that they can’t get anywhere else. And they don’t test because Steve Jobs refused to.


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  1. Sales may be down, but the question is: what happened to margins and to profits. Neither one is even mentioned in the text of the article. Baffling. The graph gives an indication that bottom line is negative, but not more so than before Johnson.

  2. @Desiato: JCP’s numbers are horrible, all of them. Difficult position being the “middle-class” retailer when the middle-classes are not spending money. The company is in the middle of a “transformation” – but probably not the one that was envisioned.

    As John says, Apple were selling unobtainium – probably this guy isn’t a genius, he just used to work for one.

The career incentives of Jihadi clerics (how a glass ceiling generates extremism?)

Posted on March 3rd, 2013 at 11:53 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

This paper explains why some Muslim clerics adopt the ideology of militant Jihad while others do not.

I argue that clerics strategically adopt or reject Jihadi ideology because of career incentives generated by the structure of cleric educational networks. Well-connected clerics enjoy substantial success at pursuing comfortable careers within state-run religious institutions and they reject Jihadi ideology in exchange for continued material support from the state.

Clerics with poor educational networks cannot rely on connections to advance through the state-run institutions, so many pursue careers outside of the system by appealing directly to lay audiences for support. These clerics are more likely to adopt Jihadi ideology because it helps them demonstrate to potential supporters that they have not been theologically coopted by political elites.

I provide evidence of these dynamics by collecting and analyzing 29,430 fatwas, articles, and books written by 91 contemporary clerics. Using statistical natural language processing, I measure the extent to which each cleric adopts Jihadi ideology in their writing. I combine this with biographical and network information about each cleric to trace the process by which poorly-connected clerics become more likely to adopt Jihadi ideology.


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  1. Organized religion – just another bureaucracy exploiting its minions for their own self preservation. Fraudsters.

God help anyone who gets busted with a Cypress Hill CD

Posted on March 3rd, 2013 at 11:25 by John Sinteur in category: News

[Quote]:

Police also said they found other paraphernalia associated with marijuana throughout the house including pipes, scales, books about growing marijuana and two pictures of the late reggae musician Bob Marley, a marijuana user.


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  1. I wonder if they found pictures of Raúl Castro, a communist?

  2. As well as “28 marijuana plants, bulk-packed marijuana”, grow lights, etc. I mean, weird reporting, but not a strange arrest.

Cartoons

Posted on March 3rd, 2013 at 11:15 by John Sinteur in category: Cartoon


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State lawmaker defends bike tax, says bicycling is not good for the environment

Posted on March 3rd, 2013 at 10:38 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane

[Quote]:

Representative Ed Orcutt (R – Kalama) does not think bicycling is environmentally friendly because the activity causes cyclists to have “an increased heart rate and respiration.”

This is according to comments he made in an email to a constituent who questioned the wisdom of a new bike tax the legislature is considering as part of a large transportation package.

We spoke with Rep. Orcutt to confirm the email’s authenticity and to get further clarification.

“You would be giving off more CO2 if you are riding a bike than driving in a car,” he said. However, he said he had not “done any analysis” of the difference in CO2 from a person on a bike compared to the engine of a car (others have).


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  1. Thought this was the Onion, then I realized it was not. Ed received an AS and BS in forestry from the University of Maine. Either that institution is awfully bad or Ed Orcutt bribed is way to a degree. Either way, this is another example of how the U.S. is moving more in the direction of the nation of dummies.

Selling the Home Brand: A Look Inside an Elite JPMorgan Unit

Posted on March 3rd, 2013 at 9:52 by John Sinteur in category: Robber Barons

[Quote]:

“You are not a money manager; you are an asset gatherer.”


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Boy, 7, suspended for shaping pastry into gun, dad says | Fox News

Posted on March 3rd, 2013 at 9:46 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane

[Quote]:

A 7-year-old Maryland boy was suspended from school for two days for shaping a breakfast pastry into what his teacher thought looked like a gun, according to his father.


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Prosecutors crack ‘systematic egg fraud’

Posted on March 3rd, 2013 at 9:38 by John Sinteur in category: News

[Quote]:

Prosecutors are investigating around 200 German egg farmers suspected of falsely labelling their produce as organic or free-range, in what has been described as fraud on a massive scale.

[..]

“The suspicion is that this is a case of systematic fraud. It is no minor matter – it would be deception of consumers,” said Christian Mayer, the new Lower Saxony agriculture minister.

They probably sold horse eggs…


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  1. That particular new rule is proof that science denial isn’t limited to creationists and global warming deniers.

    If you have a problem with Monsanto, it should be over their abuse of the patent system, not genetic modification. Everything we eat is genetically modified, and has been in one shape or form or another since the advent of agriculture. What Monsanto does in the lab is no different.