Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $5 each. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $5 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He further announced that he would now buy at $10. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.

The offer increased to $15 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50. However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf.

In the man’s absence, the assistant told the villagers “Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $45 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.”

The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never again saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

And THAT ladies and gentleman is how the stock market works…

[Quote:]

A lobbyist on his way home from Parliament is stuck in traffic. Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: ‘What’s the hold-up?’ The policeman replies: ‘The Prime Minister is so depressed he’s stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire. ‘He says no one believes he can get us through the credit crunch. So we’re taking up a collection for him.’ The lobbyist asks: ‘How much have you got so far?’ The officer replies: ‘About 40 gallons, but a lot of people are still siphoning.’

[..]

Bradford & Bingley employees are concerned they were given no notice of the takeover by Santander Bank.
A Government spokesman said: ‘No one expected the Spanish acquisition.’

[..]

A director decided to award a prize of £50 for the best idea of saving the company money during the credit crunch.
It was won by a young executive who suggested reducing the prize money to £10.

[Quote:]

Bush of course is getting it in the solar plexus. ”You think he even understands what’s going on?” Leno asked. ”Like, today, they asked about the credit crunch, he said it was his favorite candy bar.” And when the rescue bill went up to 450 pages, he joked that ”President Bush’s copy is even thicker, because they had to add pictures.”

And what are your investment goals?

[Quote:]

Q: How many commodities traders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they don’t change bulbs; but the trading price of darkness plummets due to oversupply

[..]

What’s the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons? The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW’s.

[..]

Three investment bankers are sitting outside a coffee shop, sipping glumly on their cappucinos. The first one says “It’s terrible, I have lost five million on my accounts this morning, there is no way to recover my losses. When I get back inside I’m going to go past my office, up to the fifth floor, open a window and jump out” The second one says “You think that’s bad; I’ve lost nine million on my accounts in the last hour, I have nothing left. I’m going to ride the lift all the way up to the ninth, open a window and jump out” The third one says “I’m glad our building only has fourteen floors.”

[..]

For Geography students Only: What’s the capital of Iceland? Answer: About Three Pounds Fifty…

[..]

Quote of the day (from a trader): “This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.”

Following the problems in the financial markets around the US and Europe, uncertainty has now hit Japan.

In the last seven days Origami Bank has folded. Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today, shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

[Quote:]

Optimist: an investment banker who irons five shirts on Sunday evening.

[Quote:]

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, ‘Want coffee.’ The waiter says, ‘Sure, Chief. Coming right up.’ He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, ‘Want coffee.’ The waiter says ‘Whoa, Tonto! We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?’ The Indian smiles and proudly says, ‘Training for position in United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.’

[Ten:]

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed,

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed,

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb,

4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness,

5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb,

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner “Bulb Accomplished,”

7. One administration insider to resign and in detail reveal how Bush was literally “in the dark” the whole time,

8. One to viciously smear #7,

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how John McCain has had a strong light bulb-changing policy all along,

10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

And after all is said and done, no one will notice that they never actually managed to change the light bulb.

[Quote:]

金正日和俄罗斯总统普京在莫斯科开会，休息时间两个人很无聊，就开始比谁的保镖更忠诚。普京先来，他把自己的保镖叫进来，推开窗（外面是20层楼）说：“伊万，从这里跳下去！”伊万哭着说：“你着么能这样呢，总统先生，我还有老婆孩子呐。”普京被感动了，流着泪说是自己不对，叫伊万走了，然后轮到金正日，他也大声叫自己的保镖李明万。“李明万，从这里跳下去！”李明万二话不说就要往下跳，普京一把抱住他说：“你疯了？跳下去会死的！”李明万一边挣扎着要跳下去一边说：“放开我，混蛋，我还有老婆孩子呐。”

Kim Jong Il and Vladimir Putin are having a summit in Moscow.

During a break, both are so bored and decided to test whose bodyguard is more loyal.
Putin calls his bodyguard Ivan first and tells him to open the window and throw himself off from the twentieth floor.
Ivan cries “Your Excellency, why are you doing this to me? I have a wife and a kid.”
Putin apologizes and lets Ivan go.
Then Kim Jong Il calls his bodyguard Lee Myung-Man.
“Lee, jump off from the window.”
Without saying a word, Lee tries to leap from the window.
Surprised, Putin grabs Lee to stop him from jumping and says “Are you crazy? You will die if you jump from here!”
Lee struggles to jump, saying “Let me jump! I have a wife and a kid.”

“The other day the plane that Barack Obama was on had some mechanical difficulties and was forced to land. Well, the National Transportation Safety Board did an inspection on the plane, and you know what they found? The bolts on the plane were fine, but apparently Jesse Jackson had taken some of the nuts off.”

–Jay Leno

“Jesse Jackson has a bit of a scandal going on right now, which I’ve got to address right up front. Yeah, in case you don’t know, last night Fox News aired video of Jesse Jackson where Jackson was caught saying he wants to cut Barack Obama’s nuts off. That’s what he said. By the way, for the record, this marks the nicest thing ever said about Barack Obama on Fox News.”

–Conan O’Brien

Aardrijkskunde van een vrouw

Tussen de 18 en 20 is een vrouw zoals Afrika: Half wild, een natuurlijke schoonheid en vol mystrieuze delta’s met gegarandeerde vruchtbaarheid.
Tussen de 21 en 30 is de vrouw zoals Amerika: Ontwikkeld en open voor zaken, zeker voor wie geld heeft.
Tussen de 31 en 35 is een vrouw zoals India: Sensueel,ontspannen,stralend en overtuigd van hun schoonheid.
Tussen de 36 en 40 is een vrouw zoals Frankrijk: Heerlijk rijp blijft ze een aangenaam gebied om te bezoeken.
Tussen de 41 en 50 is een vrouw zoals Joegoslavië: Strijd is verloren, de fouten van het verleden spoken er rond. Grote herstellingswerkzaamheden moeten gestart worden.
Tussen de 51 en 60 is een vrouw zoals Rusland: Uitgestrekt, met niet te beheersen grenzen. Het klimaat schrik reizigers af.
Tussen de 61 en 70 is een vrouw zoals Mongolië: Een roemrijk verleden, grote veroveringen, maar helaas geen enkele toekomst.
Na haar 70ste is een vrouw zoals Afganistan: Velen weten waar het zich bevindt, maar niemand wil er naar toe.

Aardrijkskunde van een man:
Tussen de 15 en 70 is de man de VS: Beheerst door een lul.

Q: Why are men better then women in reading maps?

A: Because only a man can look at 2.5 centimeters and imagine it to be a mile.

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, “Dat”s dem.” The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. “Yeah, we’ll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,” says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry’s truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass. At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, “Dis looks like a grand place.”

He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, “Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook’n dangerous for me!”

Moment’s later; Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass. He’s been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other. “Hi, Paddy, watch dis,” Seamus says.

He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.

Paddy shakes his head and says, “And I’m never trying dat parrot shooting either!”

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears. He’s also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.

Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Paddy shakes his head.

“Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting… And now Sean and his fook”n hengliding!”

[Quote:]

A little girl and her mother were out and about.

Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, “Mommy, How old are you?”

The mother responded, “Honey, women don’t talk about their age. You’ll learn this as you get older.”

The girl then asked, “Mommy, how much do you weigh?”

Her mother responded again, “That’s another thing women don’t talk about. You’ll learn this, too, as you grow up.”

The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, “Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?”

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, “Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don’t want to talk about it now.”

The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend’s house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother’s conversation.

The girlfriend said, “All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother’s driver’s license. It’s just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything.”

Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.

The little girl started off with, “Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You’re 32 years old.”

The mother was very shocked. She asked, “Sweetheart, how do you know that?”

The little girl shrugged and said, “I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds.”

“Where did you learn that?”

The little girl said, “I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an ‘F’ in sex.”

Vraagt Balkenende aan Bos: “Zeg, weet jij nog wat ik vorige week over het milieuprobleem gezegd heb?”

Na enig nadenken zegt Bos: “Euh, helemaal niets, geloof ik.”

Balkenende: “Ja, dat weet ik óók wel, maar hoe heb ik dat geformuleerd?”

[Quote:]

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me llife, between the legs of me wife!”That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night”

She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”

John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary”.

She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself.”

“You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America uncertainty has now hit Japan, in the last 7 days: Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up, Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches, Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, Shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop, and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that clients and staff may get a raw deal.

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t – the aged bovine was struck and killed.

Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

“What happened to you?” asked Hillary. “Well,” the driver replied, “the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate love to me.” “My God, what did you tell them?” asked Hillary. The driver replied, “I just stepped inside the door and said, I’m Hillary Clinton’s driver and I’ve just killed the old cow.
The rest happened so fast I couldn’t stop it.”

I received an email wishing me a happy thanksgiving. That’s a day not celebrated here in Europe, so I had to do some research to see what it’s all about. Here’s what I found…

[Quote:]

One of our most important holidays is Thanksgiving Day, known in France as le Jour de Merci Donnant. Le Jour de Merci Donnant was first started by a group of Pilgrims ( Pelerins) who fled from l’Angleterre before the McCarran Act to found a colony in the New World ( le Nouveau Monde) where they could shoot Indians ( les Peaux-Rouges) and eat turkey ( dinde) to their hearts’ content.

They landed at a place called Plymouth (later a famous voiture Americaine) in a wooden sailing ship called the Mayflower (or Fleur de Mai) in 1620. But while the Pelerins were killing the dindes, the Peaux-Rouges were killing the Pelerins, and there were several hard winters ahead for both of them. The only way the Peaux-Rouges helped the Pelerins was when they taught them to grow corn ( mais). The reason they did this was because they liked corn with their Pelerins.

In 1623, after another harsh year, the Pelerins’ crops were so good that they decided to have a celebration and give thanks because more mais was raised by the Pelerins than Pelerins were killed by Peaux-Rouges.

Every year on the Jour de Merci Donnant, parents tell their children an amusing story about the first celebration.

It concerns a brave capitaine named Miles Standish (known in France as Kilometres Deboutish) and a young, shy lieutenant named Jean Alden. Both of them were in love with a flower of Plymouth called Priscilla Mullens (no translation). The vieux capitaine said to the jeune lieutenant:

“Go to the damsel Priscilla ( allez tres vite chez Priscilla), the loveliest maiden of Plymouth ( la plus jolie demoiselle de Plymouth). Say that a blunt old captain, a man not of words but of action ( un vieux Fanfan la Tulipe), offers his hand and his heart, the hand and heart of a soldier. Not in these words, you know, but this, in short, is my meaning.

“I am a maker of war ( je suis un fabricant de la guerre) and not a maker of phrases. You, bred as a scholar ( vous, qui êtes pain comme un étudiant), can say it in elegant language, such as you read in your books of the pleadings and wooings of lovers, such as you think best adapted to win the heart of the maiden.”

Although Jean was fit to be tied ( convenable á être emballe), friendship prevailed over love and he went to his duty. But instead of using elegant language, he blurted out his mission. Priscilla was muted with amazement and sorrow ( rendue muette par l’étonnement et las tristesse).

At length she exclaimed, interrupting the ominous silence: “If the great captain of Plymouth is so very eager to wed me, why does he not come himself and take the trouble to woo me?” ( Ou est-il, le vieux Kilometres? Pourquoi ne vient-il pas aupres de moi pour tenter sa chance?)

Jean said that Kilometres Deboutish was very busy and didn’t have time for those things. He staggered on, telling what a wonderful husband Kilometres would make. Finally Priscilla arched her eyebrows and said in a tremulous voice, “Why don’t you speak for yourself, Jean?” ( Chacun a son gout.)

And so, on the fourth Thursday in November, American families sit down at a large table brimming with tasty dishes and, for the only time during the year, eat better than the French do.

No one can deny that le Jour de Merci Donnant is a grande fete and no matter how well fed American families are, they never forget to give thanks to Kilometres Deboutish, who made this great day possible.

According to the Jewish calendar, the year is 5768. According to the Chinese calendar, the year is 4702.

That means that for 1,063 years the Jewish people went without Chinese food.

These were known as the Dark Ages.

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?

“Morris Fishbien,” he replied.

“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”

“For about 60 years.”

“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”

“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.”

“I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. ”

“I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.”

“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”

“Like I’m talking to a fuckin’ wall.”

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.” “Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.” “No,” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”

An elderly Italian Jewish man wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his Rabbi. “Rabbi, during World War 2, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a Catholic and changed my name from Levy to Spamoni, and I am alive today because of it.” “Self preservation is allowable, and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable,” said the Rabbi.

“Rabbi, during the war, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic and they never found her.” “That was a wonderful thing you did and you have no need to feel guilty.”

“It’s worse Rabbi. I was weak and told her she must repay me with sexual favours, which she did, repeatedly.” “You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found her. There is a favourable balance between good and evil, and you will be judged kindly. Give up your feelings of guilt.”

“Thank you, Rabbi. That’s a great load off my mind. But I have one more question.” “And what is that?” “Should I tell her the war is over?”

Alberto Gonzales shows up for work at justice department; claims he can’t recall resigning

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. “What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room, “Why are you down here at this time of night?”

The husband looks up from is coffee, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?” he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. “Yes I do,” she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?” “Yes, I remember,” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued. “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?’” “I remember that too” she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said… “I would have gotten out today.”

A middle-aged wife looked out of her window and saw her husband with a kite. He threw it in the air, it floated, then wobbled, and crashed into the ground. Again and again, he threw it; it wobbled and crashed into the ground.

Thnking that men are very incompentent sometimes, she called out to her husband, “What you need is a piece of tail!”

Husband replied, “Make up your mind. Yesterday you told me to go fly a kite!”

A man running for mayor was making a speech, and thundered, “I want you people to know that there are over two dozen brothels in this town, and I have never been to one of them!” A voice from the back yelled out, “Which one?”

“On Capitol Hill, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales raised his right hand, swore to tell the truth, and then everybody had a good laugh and went back to what they were doing.”
—Jay Leno

“News has just broke that the administration is seeking a high-powered “war czar” to oversee the campaigns in Iraq and Afghanistan. So there you have it folks—five years into the global war on terror the president believes it is now time for someone to be in charge of it.”
—Jon Stewart

“Rudy Giuliani got in trouble because, y’know that presidential question they ask: “What’s the price of a gallon of milk?” He didn’t know. That doesn’t bother me, really, if a president doesn’t know. What I want to know [is], does the president know the price of a war with Iraq?”
—Craig Ferguson

“After weeks of mock testimony, there you have it. Alberto Gonzales doesn’t know what happened, but he assures you, what he doesn’t remember was handled properly.”
–Jon Stewart

“Republican Congressman Duncan Hunter has filed papers to run for president. But in his official filing, he misspelled the word ‘president.’ Political experts say it’s all part of Hunter’s plan to attract Bush supporters.”
—Conan O’Brien

“In 200 years, we’ve gone from “We the people,” to “Up With People.” From “the best and the brightest” to “dumb and dumber.” And where better to find people dumb enough to believe in George Bush than Pat Robertson’s law school? The problem here in America isn’t that the country is being run by “elites.” It’s that it’s being run by a bunch of hayseeds. And, by the way, the lawyer Monica Goodling just hired to keep her ass out of jail…went to a real law school.”
—Bill Maher

“Because of the storms back East, over 250,000 people still without power. In fact, it was so bad in Washington, D.C., Attorney General Alberto Gonzales had to resort to destroying e-mails by hand.”
–Jay Leno

“A lot of people are asking for extensions this year … even President Bush. He got an extension because he’s still deciding whether or not to write off Alberto Gonzales.”
–Jay Leno, on taxes

Last Sunday morning, our pastor noticed a young boy, about 7 or 8 years old, staring up at a large plaque that hung in the foyer of our parish’s small church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The youngster had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy and said quietly, “Good morning.”

“Good morning, sir,” replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. “What is this? He asked, gesturing to the plaque.” “Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.” Soberly, they stood together staring at the large plaque. Then, with a barely audible voice, trembling with fear, the boy asked, “Which service? The 8:30 or the 10:45?”

Tony Blair was out jogging one morning when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the Thames below. Before the MI5 guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, “I want to go to Disneyland.” Tony said, “No problem. I’ll take you there on my Harrier Jet”.

The second kid said, “I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan’s.” Tony said, “I’ll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!”

The third kid said, “I want a motorised wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!” Blair is a little perplexed by this and says, “But you don’t look like you are handicapped.” The kid says, “I will be after my Dad finds out I saved your arse from drowning!”

A recent survey revealed that the average American walks 900 miles per year.

Another survey revealed that the average American consumes 20 galons of beer per year.

Conclusion: The average American gets 45 miles per gallon.