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Fellate Show

Posted on September 28th, 2014 at 9:38 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


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Inmate wants to worship Flying Spaghetti Monster

Posted on September 23rd, 2014 at 8:42 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

“The founder of Pastafarianism stated that it was a parody of religion,” a prison official wrote in denying one of Cavanaugh’s requests. “The Nebraska Department of Correctional Services will not dedicate administrative and facility resources to support a parody.”

Ah, but you see, he’s not an original Pastafarian, he’s with the orthodox al dente sect.

Personally, I’m Lasagna’s Witnesses.

Our Pasta, who “Arghh” in the colander, Swallowed be thy sauce. Thy serving come, Thy strands be wrung, On forks as they are on spoons. Give us this day our garlic bread, And forgive us our starchiness, As we swashbuckle, splice the main-brace and cuss, And lead us not into Kraft Parmesan, But deliver us from Chef Boy-Ar-Dee, For thine are the meatballs, and the beer, and the strippers, for ever and ever. R’Amen.


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  1. International Talk-Like-a-Pirate Day was last Saturday, for Orzo’s sake.

Dutch bishops give Pope Francis a bleak picture of Catholic Church in decline

Posted on September 21st, 2014 at 10:40 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

More than 23,000 Catholics quit the Dutch Church in 2010, the peak of an exodus in which an average 18,000 have left each year since 2006. This year, however, only about 7,500 had left by October.Catholicism is still the Netherlands’ largest faith, officially claiming 24 percent of the 16 million population. Next come the Protestant churches at 18 percent and Islam at 5 percent.But Eijk told Vatican Radio that government estimates put the Catholic total at 16 percent, falling to 10 percent by 2020. And the bishops’ report said a mere 5.6 percent of those declared as Catholics actually went to church regularly.Ad de Groot, a lay Catholic leader in Eijk’s archdiocese of Utrecht, said secularization and the sexual abuse crisis had prompted people to leave in the past. But now, the very plan to close churches is alienating the Catholics who are left, he said.De Groot’s group accuses the bishops of merging parishes without consulting those who are losing their local churches. “Many people are angry and disappointed,” he said. His group told the Vatican last week that half of practicing Catholics would drift away in coming years as their churches closed.

Amazing… you can rape their kids, but don’t you dare close their hangout! Who are these people?


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  1. Psychology 101. People build communities. Churches are major community gathering places where people of similar minds and interests congregate. Close the churches, and the members of the community will find someplace else to congregate, and it won’t necessarily be another location of the church since that location is not their community or congregation.

  2. Same thing is happening to a lot of worn-out institutions; Freemasons for example.

How the Hobby Lobby ruling is helping a member of Warren Jeffs’ polygamous church

Posted on September 18th, 2014 at 8:26 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

A federal judge has ruled that a member of the Fundamentalist LDS Church does not have to answer questions about child labor violations because of the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling in the Hobby Lobby case.

Vergel Steed refused to answer even the most basic questions in a recent deposition, because he is protected under the Religious Freedom Restoration Act.

“It is clear that Mr. Steed has raised the very defenses available under RFRA,” U.S. District Court Judge David Sam wrote in the order.

The U.S. Department of Labor took action against Paragon Contractors for a 2012 incident where hundreds of children were seen working in a field in Hurricane, picking pecans. In court filings, the Labor Department has suggested that FLDS leaders ordered children to be removed from school to work in the fields.

As part of their case, FLDS members have been deposed — including Steed. In a deposition obtained by FOX 13 on Tuesday, it appears Steed refused to answer many questions.

[..]

Steed’s attorney objected to the questions, saying he “retains a closely held religious belief that requires him not to speak openly about matters regarding the Church organization with anyone outside of his religious affiliation.”

[..]

“It is not for the Court to “inquir[e] into the theological merit of the belief in question,” Sam wrote, citing the Hobby Lobby decision. “The determination of what is a ‘religious’ belief or practice is more often than not a difficult and delicate task …. However, the resolution of that question is not to turn upon a judicial perception of the particular belief or practice in question; religious beliefs need not be acceptable, logical, consistent, or comprehensible to others in order to merit First Amendment protection.”

I’m going to start a new religion, the first tenet of which is “Armed robbery is simply our way of paying homage to our God.”


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  1. “Activist” judges are OK when they’re conservatives?

Gay Teen Commits Suicide After Being Outed And Harassed By Catholic School Officials

Posted on September 12th, 2014 at 10:16 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

Sergio Urrego, 16, killed himself after Catholic school’s administrators persecuted the teenager by making his relationship with another young man public then accused him of sexual harassment.

Sergio’s mother, Alba Reyes, has just recently opened up to the media about her son’s suicide in order to clear his name.

Reyes said her nightmare began in May when a teacher at Gimnasio Castillo Campestre school in the Colombian capital Bogotá saw a photo of Sergio kissing his boyfriend of a month and a half on his cellphone. After confiscating the phone, both boys were sent to the school psychologist.

The boyfriend was then forced by the school to tell his parents about his sexuality and was quickly withdrawn from the school.

The Catholic school refused to release Urrego’s academic results and blocked his transfer to another school. He was continuously suspended from classes, send to visit the psychologist, and accused of sexual harassment.

Unable to cope with the betrayal and harassment at the hands of school administrators, Urrego sent his friends goodbye messages and then jumped from the Titán Plaza shopping center on the morning of 4 August. He passed away three hours later at a local hospital.

Dear Catholic Leadership – actions speak louder than words, and the fact that you haven’t at the very least taken away the “Catholic” accreditation from this school leaves me no choice but to conclude you condone this shit.


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  1. Vindictive bastards. If there is a hell, it’s been designed for you. Religions tend to empower people to act their worst.

Exodus 11:5, At-Tawbah 9:5

Posted on September 11th, 2014 at 13:45 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News

[ Obama addresses nation on fight against IS]:

“No religion condones the killing of innocents.”

I guess he has a different definition of “innocent” than most dictionaries have.


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  1. Lol, poor Obama. I didn’t hear the speech or read it, so I know nothing. In his defense, I would say he is a Lawyer not a Theologian.

    Also, interesting choice of verses:

    http://biblehub.com/exodus/11-5.htm

    <>

    Here Hashem (the Jewish god, or actually his Angels) is going to kill the first born because the Pharaoh won’t release the Jews from their slavery. [[One might think that Hashem having infinite powers could think of a better way to do this but gods are sometimes mysterious.]]

    On the other hand:

    http://quran.com/9

    <>

    Here Allah is directing his faithful to kill those who refuse to convert to Islam. [[For some Muslims this includes Christians, because the Quran describes Christians as polytheists.]]

    I wonder if there are any verses from the Gospel (New Testament) promoting killing. Jesus is said to have said:

    http://biblehub.com/matthew/5-9.htm

    <>

    Still as we all know– Islam is the Religion of Peace — http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/

  2. Matthew 5:17

  3. Jesus was a jew. His ministry was to the jews. He says this because the jews are to up hold the law.

    The 613 Mitzvos– http://www.jewfaq.org/613.htm don’t include Exodus 11-5 because Exodus 11-5 isn’t something Hashem is telling the Jews to do, it is something Hashem did.

    In the end we should be able to agree that religion is a spiritual thing for some people, but for many it is an extension of the state and is used to justify whatever the rulers want to do.

  4. “In the end we should be able to agree that…” suspiciously sounds like you’re trying to get some respect for religion.

    Let me quote Pat Condell on that:

    “If you criticize religion, then, every so often somebody will say to you – quite disapprovingly – ‘you may not have faith in god, but you could show a bit more respect for those people who do’.

    And, you might find yourself thinking ‘well actually, maybe they’re right. It wouldn’t hurt to show a bit more respect – after all, nobody likes to be told point-blank that their religion is a crock of delusional garbage and a force for evil in the world. That, what they call ‘faith’ is merely fear dressed up as virtue. And that their puerile beliefs are a strait-jacket on the whole of humanity.’

    That’s bound to put anybody’s nose out of joint.

    So yes, maybe I could show a bit more respect.

    The only fly in the ointment is – I don’t actually feel any respect. I have tried, I really have, and I feel just terrible about it, but it just isn’t there.

    I suppose I could lie to myself, and pretend for the sake of people’s feelings – because we all know how delicate and tender they can be these days.

    But, the bold truth is, I don’t actually care about their feelings – at all; not even slightly.

    Of course, I realize that should weigh heavily on my conscience – but luckily my conscience knows when it is being bullied and manipulated – so it doesn’t care either.

    My conscience knows that there is no earthly reason for anybody on this planet to respect religion – in any way. Indeed, purely on the evidence religion itself provides, in such regular abundance, there is every reason to actively disrespect it to the point of outright abuse.

    And quite frankly, the fact that religion gets so little abuse, compared to what it really deserves, I can only attribute to the unbelievable tolerance, restraint and plain good manners of atheists and secularists everywhere.

    So, if you are a religious person, and if you’re thinking of demanding more respect for your beliefs, please try to bear in mind that you and your religion are already getting way more respect than you’ve ever deserved. Your faith is a joke. Your god is a joke. He’s so absurd, he’s an embarrassment even to people who don’t believe in him – and he and you still have it all to prove. So far, no proof has been forthcoming, nor is it likely to be; as we all well know – so respect, I’m afraid, is out of the question. The best you can hope for is amused incredulity – and that would be on a good day.

    People say ‘well, you can only truly understand faith when you have faith’ – which I take to mean when you’ve suspended your critical faculties and hypnotized yourself into believing a load of fascist nonsense about your eternal soul, then, you’ll understand faith – well, I can certainly believe that.

    Faith peddlers like to put themselves beyond question by claiming that their faith ‘transcends reason’ – the very thing that calls it to account – how convenient. Yes, faith transcends reason – the way a criminal transcends the law. The word ‘transcendent’ is very popular with religious hustlers because they never have to explain precisely what they mean by it – other than some vague, superior state of understanding, more profound than ‘mere reason’ – which is crude and simplistic next to the subtleties and profundities of belief without evidence.

    If you hear a senior clergyman, and you will, using the word ‘transcendent’ to explain the nonsense he claims to believe, then you know two things: one, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about; and two, he doesn’t want you to know what he’s talking about either.

    Faith doesn’t transcend reason at all; faith sidesteps reason – it runs away from reason because reason threatens its cozy bubble of delusion. So faith disqualifies reason the way a Dutch criminal court disqualifies truth and the witnesses – and for much the same reason.

    If you’re a believer, your faith allows you to adopt a set of beliefs that make absolutely no sense, knowing that you won’t be measured by whether they make sense, but by the level of piety that you exhibit in believing them. In other words, your willingness to deny reality becomes a measure of your virtue.

    No wonder religion is so popular.

    But what a price you pay for this ‘virtue’. You’ve been persuaded that believing in the impossible is your only hope… how did that happen?

    And that your purpose is to worship something beyond your understanding, defined by and only accessible through, self-appointed intermediaries. Your thoughts, your words and your identity, are no longer solely yours to decide; but are subject to the approval of those who have assumed authority over you – through your faith.

    The people who’ve told you that you were born with something wrong with you – c’mon – in a state of ‘sin,’ no less. A condition that can only be cured by complete submission and obedience to them – surprise, surprise – from the moment you’re born ‘til the moment you die.

    And if all this doesn’t exactly flatter your ego – and why should it – Don’t worry, we can give it a special name to make you feel better, and persuade you that you’ve still got some dignity – let’s call it “faith”, and let’s deem it to be the highest and most noble and profound of all virtues; and let’s pretend that it comes from within. When we all know, that nothing about your religion is allowed to come from within – because that would give you strength and freedom – the two things your religion wants as far away from you as possible.

    Faith is the grip that clergy have over you.

    It’s the invisible rope around your neck that pulls you along the road they want you to travel – for their benefit, not yours.

    It’s a dead-end word.

    It’s a word of bondage.

    It’s a word that lets you believe what you’ve been told to believe -without feeling that you’ve been told what to believe, but you have – and you can stop pretending any time you like.

    It’s not a virtue – that’s the last thing it is.

    It’s an abdication from reality.

    It’s a dumb act of self-hypnosis.

    It’s a cowardly copout.

    It’s gullibility with a halo – and hiding behind it is like pretending to be an invalid.

    So, I don’t really understand exactly what it is that I’m supposed to respect.

    It seems to me, I’d need to be some kind of moral contortionist to respect something that noxious – something that depends for its existence on a closed-mind – and it is clearly dragging humanity in the wrong direction; giving us false ideas about ourselves, and about the nature of reality.

    I feel, if I respected that, I’d be needlessly contributing to the stupidity and ignorance of the human race – and that is one thing I don’t want on my conscience; no offense.

    Peace.”

  5. Ah, John…don’t toy with little Joe’s most profoundly held beliefs :-)

  6. In refuting Obama, you should have used Pat Condell instead of the Quran and the Torah, it would have been more direct and to the point.

    PS, Jesus died for somebody’s sins, but not mine.

  7. [Quote]:

    The idea that any book was inspired by the creator of the universe is poison—intellectually, ethically, and politically. And nowhere is this poison currently doing more harm than in Muslim communities, East and West. Despite all the obvious barbarism in the Old Testament, and the dangerous eschatology of the New, it is relatively easy for Jews and Christians to divorce religion from politics and secular ethics. A single line in Matthew—“Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s”—largely accounts for why the West isn’t still hostage to theocracy. The Koran contains a few lines that could be equally potent—for instance, “There is no compulsion in religion” (2:256)—but these sparks of tolerance are easily snuffed out. Transforming Islam into a truly benign faith will require a miracle of re-interpretation. And a few intrepid reformers, such as Maajid Nawaz, are doing their best to accomplish it.

    Many believe it unwise to discuss the link between Islam and the intolerance and violence we see in the Muslim world, fearing that it will increase the perception that the West is at war with the faith and cause millions of otherwise peaceful Muslims to rally to the jihadist cause. I admit that this concern isn’t obviously crazy—but it merely attests to the seriousness of the underlying problem. Religion produces a perverse solidarity that we must find some way to undercut. It causes in-group loyalty and out-group hostility, even when members of one’s own group are behaving like psychopaths.

    But it remains taboo in most societies to criticize a person’s religious beliefs. Even atheists tend to observe this taboo, and enforce it on others, because they believe that religion is necessary for many people. After all, life is difficult—and faith is a balm. Most people imagine that Iron Age philosophy represents the only available vessel for their spiritual hopes and existential concerns. This is an enduring problem for the forces of reason, because the most transformative experiences people have—bliss, devotion, self-transcendence—are currently anchored to the worst parts of culture and to ways of thinking that merely amplify superstition, self-deception, and conflict.

    Among all the harms caused by religion at this point in history, this is perhaps the most subtle: Even when it appears beneficial—inspiring people to gather in beautiful buildings to contemplate the mystery existence and their ethical commitments to one another—religion conveys the message that there is no intellectually defensible and nonsectarian way to do this. But there is. We can build strong communities and enjoy deeply moral and spiritual lives, without believing any divisive nonsense about the divine origin of specific books.

    And it is this misguided respect for revelation that explains why, in response to the starkest conceivable expression of religious fanaticism, President Obama has responded with euphemisms—and missiles. This may be the best we can hope for, given the state of our discourse about religion. Perhaps one day we will do “everything that we can to protect our people and the timeless values that we stand for.” But today, we won’t even honestly describe the motivations of our enemies. And in the act of lying to ourselves, we continue to pay lip service to the very delusions that empower them.

  8. Sounds like you have faith in reason.
    What was it you started to say about that inward something-or-other that sets you free?
    I’m not (believe me, I’m not!) a scholar of the ancient Greeks who wrote about this stuff, but isn’t reason just a construct that beats other decision-making processes?

  9. Sounds like you have faith in reason.

    If with the word “faith” you mean “Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence” then the answer is no, I don’t.

Are Catholic Priests Obligated to Report Confessions Involving Abuse? The Supreme Court May Soon Decide

Posted on September 10th, 2014 at 14:18 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

The Diocese of Baton Rouge has asked the U.S. Supreme Court to review a decision by the State of Louisiana Supreme Court, in which local priest Father Jeff Bayhi was punished for failing to report the sexual abuse of one of his young female parishioners, which the child in question allegedly disclosed during a confession in 2008. The abuser (another parishioner, not a priest) is now dead, but the girl’s parents have sued him — as well as Father Bayhi and the Diocese of Baton Rouge — for the priest’s failure to report the abuse to authorities, as per the state’s mandatory reporting laws. The family alleges that Bayhi’s silence allowed the abuse to continue until the abuser died.


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  1. This is absurd. This was the _victim_ “confessing” and he did nothing?
    When they talk about pastoral care, what do they mean, btw?

Melbourne sex abuse priest Mato Krizanac returns to church in Bosnian parish

Posted on September 8th, 2014 at 16:15 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

A Catholic priest expelled from the Melbourne diocese for sexual abuse has been allowed to resume his duties in an overseas parish despite an explicit warning from Archbishop Denis Hart to the church hierarchy in Bosnia.

The decision to assign Father Mato Krizanac to a parish in Bosnia raises further questions about the church’s resolve to clamp down on clerical sex offenders and dismantle its entrenched culture of protecting abusers.

Father Krizanac, who spent more than a decade at the Croatian Catholic Church in Clifton Hill, was permanently stripped of all clerical duties in June by Archbishop Hart following a 12-month investigation into claims he abused an Adelaide girl in the mid-1980s.

But The Sunday Age can reveal that Father Krizanac immediately returned to a clerical role in Bosnia with the apparent permission of the Archbishop of Sarajevo, who ignored the damning findings of the church’s independent commissioner in Melbourne, Peter O’Callaghan, QC.


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Megachurch Pastor says ‘gays must be put to death’

Posted on September 5th, 2014 at 22:33 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

Claiming that being gay is a choice like drug abuse, the senior pastor for a megachurch in Tennessee says that “gays must be put to death” because God commands it.

Last Sunday, Brainerd Baptist Church Senior Pastor Robby Gallaty told his large congregation that Christians should never stop discriminating against homosexuals, claiming that gays could choose to be straight if they only accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.

Gallaty explained why gays should be put to death:

God said that the sins of the people had infected the very land in which they live. So what happens to people who engage in this activity, this sexual immoral activity? Go to Leviticus 20, God gives us the punishment for engaging in these sins… ‘If a man sleeps with a man as with a woman, they have both committed a detestable thing. They must be put to death. And their blood is on their own hands.’

Pastor Gallaty tried to justify his Biblically inspired hatred for gays and lesbians by repeatedly trying to argue that being gay is a choice, and some sort of rebellion against his imaginary God’s divine plan.

Caught in a gay sex scandal in 3…2…1…


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  1. Surely anyone who has read Leviticus must notice that it’s just a ridiculous list of prohibitions, perhaps it had utility back then as social control, but none of it is relevant now. If anyone wants an idea about what a mindless vengeful savage the old testament god is they should regard the story of Job. God does not come out well in this particular fantasy.

    What modern traveller would use such an absurd, archaic document as a guide book.

  2. http://biblehub.com/john/8-7.htm

    The Gospel of John (see above) says:

    When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

    Since Christians are supposed to be followers of Christ Jesus, I would think they should place more weight on the Gospel than on the Torah. People like this pastor and those of his church who approve of his message are the real American Taliban– hate filled purveyors of ignorance.

  3. “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

    Good advice and directly contradicts a lot in Leviticus. Which makes me wonder. If that wasn’t such a good law why did God make it? Has he since changed his mind? Shouldn’t it then be removed from the Bible, along with most of the rest of the OT?

  4. I see little different between this pastor and the ISIL/IS/ISIS thugs that are beheading people in the name of their beliefs. They are cut from the same cloth.

  5. Perhaps he is a bit cross having found out how few actual straights (in his terms) still exist. The rest of us are all out trying to be nice, doing good work and having a good time.

Grand Ayatollah Issues Fatwa Stating High Speed Internet is against Sharia

Posted on September 1st, 2014 at 16:05 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

In answer to a question published on his website, Grand Ayatollah Nasser Makarem Shirazi, one of the country’s highest clerical authorities, issued a fatwa, stating “All third generation [3G] and high-speed internet services, prior to realization of the required conditions for the National Information Network [Iran’s government-controlled and censored Internet which is under development], is against Sharia [and] against moral and human standards.”

IF people would be able to get information from another source, his power will evaporate, and he knows it.


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  1. I’ve been a sinner for most of my life (and a liar for the rest of it), so there’s nowhere for me now but the Train Pirates!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jzrjTkpYmw

  2. Shiver me timbers, matey! I’m with you!

  3. It’s getting to where you don’t know who you can trust.

Church took 20 years to defrock paedophile priest, inquiry hears

Posted on August 26th, 2014 at 11:22 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

Archbishop Hart told the Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse that Father Michael Glennon was first convicted and jailed in 1978 but it was not until 1998 that he was laicised.

He was convicted five times on multiple charges and died in jail in January this year.

Archbishop Hart, who was vicar general of the Melbourne diocese before being appointed archbishop in 2001, replacing George Pell, told the hearing it was very difficult before 2001 to get approval from the Vatican to defrock a priest.

“The difficulty would be a serious concentration on procedure,” he said.

“If every I wasn’t dotted and every T crossed in the way that they wanted, then there was a leaning in favour of a priest who might have been accused of something.”


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Vatican refuses to hand over files on accused pedophile priests

Posted on August 22nd, 2014 at 17:53 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

The Vatican has refused to hand over the files of Australian priests accused of sex crimes to the child abuse royal commission.

The Vatican said the commission’s request for documents on each allegation involving an Australian cleric was “neither possible nor appropriate”.

Reasons included ongoing church investigations, and that internal working documents were the sovereign property of the Holy See.

Cardinal George Pell, now working in Rome, was asked if he sought an assurance from the Vatican that any document the royal commission needed would be provided.

“That is correct,” Cardinal Pell told the commission via video-link on Thursday.

“I suppose in retrospect there would be some discussion over what ‘any document’ meant.”


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  1. No-one is expecting the Spanish Inquisition.

Isil bans philosophy, chemistry in Syria schools

Posted on August 16th, 2014 at 10:04 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

The Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (Isil) extremist group has banned the study of philosophy and chemistry in schools in the northern Syrian city of Raqqa and established an “Islamic curriculum” for students, the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights (SOHR) said on Friday.

The Isil asked teachers and school directors to “prepare an Islamic education system in the schools of Raqqa”, which would be reviewed by a board of education appointed by Isil.

The “Islamic experts” belonging to the Isil decided to exclude chemistry and philosophy from the educational programme because “they do not fit in with the laws of god”, the SOHR reported.

We are witnessing the beginning of a genocide…

so the rapid oxidation of flammable substances with the intent of propelling pieces of lead at targets doesn’t fit with the laws of God. Guess they should all go back to sticks and stones.


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  1. Just remember the Persians were masters of the bow and could hit a hand-sized target from the back of a galloping horse. :-)

  2. @Spaceman: What have the Parthians ever done for us?

  3. The aqueduct?

  4. and sanitation?

  5. Baghdad was at the pinnacle of scientific thought until some mullah declared it did “not fit in with the laws of god” a thousand years ago. History repeats itself and have these people learned nothing in a thousand years?

Tea Party official opens Miss. meeting with prayer asking for violence against Republicans

Posted on August 13th, 2014 at 22:18 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

“We’re asking, Father, for two things,” he said. “We’re asking, Father, that you would expose them, set division amongst them, set them one against another, bring confusion and fear into their camp, into their thinking, for the purpose of pulling them down, for casting them down out of their high offices and reducing them, Lord, to having no power in this state.”

“So, Lord, that you might raise up and seek the righteous in the positions of power that this state might once more be a state that honors you in all that it does,” Nicholson concluded.

الله أكبر الله اكبر

الله أكبر فوق كيد المعتدي
الله للمظلوم خير مؤيدي
أنا باليقين وبالسلاح سأفتدي
بلدي ونور الحق يسطع في يدي
قولوا معي قولوا معي
الله الله الله أكبر
الله فوق المعتدي


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Rabbi to Bibi Netanyahu – “Do Something to Hasten His Coming!”

Posted on August 5th, 2014 at 17:53 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News


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  1. Why not just hasten yourself to God? I’m sure Israel has some spare ammunition.

  2. Perhaps the Messiah doesn’t think they deserve Him.

  3. Maybe the Messiah was born in Gaza and didn’t make it through the last invasion.

I am sure they do

Posted on August 5th, 2014 at 0:08 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

20wkEE1


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  1. Among the few joys of being a sub-editor on a newspaper are opportunities to craft headlines like this.

Diocese of Lafayette Louisiana Says There’s “No Purpose” in Releasing Names of Priests Who Molested Children

Posted on August 3rd, 2014 at 19:49 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

Ten years ago, the Roman Catholic Diocese of Lafayette Louisiana paid out approximately $26,000,000 to 123 victims of sexual abuse by priests who served there over the span of more than 50 years. They’re lucky they had insurance for that sort of thing.There’s an obvious question to ask: Which priests molested children?

The Daily Advertiser requested the names of the abusive priests from the diocese and the response was stunning:

“Bishop [Michael] Jarrell sees no purpose in such action,” Monsignor Richard Greene, media liaison, wrote in response to The Daily Advertiser’s request for the priests’ names.

No purpose.

Even though some of those priests may still be serving in churches today. We know at least one is. Should parents be worried? Are children safe in their presence?


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  1. I can think of a purpose. Names given to the police can be investigated and criminals prosecuted.

Pope Francis meets sex abuse victims, vows zero tolerance

Posted on August 1st, 2014 at 18:49 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[ July 07, 2014]:

Pope Francis held his first meeting with victims of clerical sex abuse on Monday, pledging to carry forward the fight against the scandals that have rocked Catholicism for more than a decade.

“I commit myself not to tolerate harm done to a minor by any individual, whether a cleric or not,” the pontiff said.

Francis also pledged that any bishop who fails in his responsibility to protect minors “will be held accountable.”

Today it became obvious that Francis was just spouting bullshit:

[Quote]:

The Roman Catholic archbishop of St. Paul and Minneapolis says he won’t resign despite criticism over the archdiocese’s handling of sexual abuse claims involving priests.

Archbishop John Nienstedt made his comments in in a column that will appear in Thursday’s archdiocese newspaper, The Catholic Spirit. He says he’s bound to stay in office as long as Pope Francis wants.


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Unconfirmed Reports of Video of the Iraq Mass Executions by ISIS

Posted on July 30th, 2014 at 14:32 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

According to the video description, the place of the incident was “Tikrit” in Iraq, according to a video description, and describe themselves as Rafidis, which include Shiites, Iranians, Alawites ….. an imprecise term.

According to a Twitter Video Description the largest massacre of Shiites in Tikrit.

It is not known if it this video relates to the first massacre in Tikrit ago more than a month, or if they have committed more massacres.

The full length video of 36 minutes can be seen here, with the executions in the last 5 minutes.


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He was burnt to death with magnifying glass for your sins

Posted on July 28th, 2014 at 17:13 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News

MeLK6AQ


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Witches declare war on Boko Haram

Posted on July 28th, 2014 at 9:07 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

Worried by the socio-economic challenges facing the country, especially the nation’s state of insecurity, witches and wizards in the country recently held an emergency meeting at Afuze, Edo State

Making this revelation in an exclusive interview with Saturday Sun in Lagos on Wednesday, leader and spokesman, Witches and Wizards Association of Nigeria, (WITZAN), Dr. Okhue Iboi said the emergency meeting held by his members was not only aimed at discussing the various challenges confronting the nation but also to chart a way forward.

“Witches and Wizards in Nigeria are deeply worried by what is going on in the country especially Boko Haram insurgency. As stakeholders in the Nigerian project, we can no longer afford to fold our hands while the nation burns. Enough is enough”, he declared.

While saying that the Boko Haram issue was one of the key issues discussed at their meeting, Iboi said it was witches and wizards from Borno, Adamawa and Yobe states that urged the association to convene the emergency meeting.


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Deuteronomy 22:28-29

Posted on July 26th, 2014 at 8:46 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


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Comments:

  1. Can no-one go back in time and eliminate that flea-bitten camel shagger, Abraham?

  2. Short answer no.

    If someone could (even in the future) he would already be gone.

    Also, he is probably not a real historical person, just a literary creation used to justify the take over of Canaan by the Israelites.

    He is the father of the Jews and the Arabs, so getting ride of him would eliminate a lot of people alive today.

    I am not aware if Deuteronomy 22:28-29 is ever implemented by Jews or Christians, but we know Muslims do this:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/05/world/africa/05somalia.html?_r=0

    seems a bit harsh, but what do I know, I am not any of the above.

  3. Clearly you know nothing about time travel either. What’s wrong with getting rid of a lot of people who would be unborn at the time? Every time you step on an insect you eliminate potential multitudes – not to mention Onan.

  4. Assuming that Time Travel ever becomes possible and widespread, I posit that the effect will be similar to Wikipedia – some areas will be hotly contested until a stronger authority steps in to maintain stability (“Time Cops”), but other areas will reach their own meta-stability because no one cares.

    Of course, the question is who will watch the watchmen.

    I read a delightful short story a while ago which was part of a collection based around individual elements (H, He, Li, Be, etc.). The Hydrogen story protagonist was a Timecop who had the rare ability to remember alternate realities, and was essentially a time terrorist because his bosses couldn’t remember what he’d changed.

  5. [Quote]:

    If we know one thing about time travel from watching cable, it’s that given the opportunity, someone will always travel back in time change things, whether to prevent World War II, or start World War III, or save Lois Lane from an unpleasant death. Whenever this takes place, we end up with a different timeline, presumably one in which someone different decides to kill someone’s parents before they’re born or whatnot, which creates yet another timeline, which is wiped out by someone else’s temporal shenanigans, and so on like a four-dimensional Escher painting.

    How many times does this take place? It’s impossible to say. As each timeline is created it’s instantly replaced, and you can’t get a thing done without finding out that your brother is suddenly your aunt, and rather than being a VCR repairman you’re Squindar, Lord of the Under-realm. It is for measurements such as these that the word “bazillion” was created.

    The only way reality can exist for more than an instant is when someone, by accident or design, changes things to create a universe where time travel is never discovered. And that, my friends, is where we are now. Time travel may be possible, but anyone who tries to discover it will fail, probably due to a misadventure of ludicrous improbability.

Fast + pray

Posted on July 25th, 2014 at 9:54 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News

EkmdcKH


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Comments:

  1. Another wonderful example of folk art showing all the assured confidence of a mind untroubled by convention or comprehension. The wavy lettering no doubt produced by the pressure of working under the deadline threat of imminent Armageddon.

  2. @pete: Excellent start. Our thesis in Art History is now entitled:

    Alternating Alterities: The Dialectical Object as Therapy in Response to Societal Change.

  3. I an far too busy at the moment on a History of the Future of Postmodernism Reconsidered, which my publisher (myself) assures me will be a runnaway best seller.

  4. @Sue you’re in charge of naming all my research in the future. :-)

Fill in the dots…

Posted on July 19th, 2014 at 11:13 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

A Pittsburgh pastor who wrote a not-quite-bestselling book about his successful struggle to become a former gay has been arrested for …..


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Church lawyer details cover-up claims on sex abuse

Posted on July 15th, 2014 at 21:25 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

A canon lawyer alleging a widespread cover-up of clergy sex misconduct in the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis has made her most detailed claims yet, accusing archbishops and their top staff of lying to the public and of ignoring the U.S. bishops’ pledge to have no tolerance of priests who abuse.

Jennifer Haselberger, who spent five years as Archbishop John Nienstedt’s archivist and top adviser on Roman Catholic church law, also charged that the church used a chaotic system of record-keeping that helped conceal the backgrounds of guilty priests who remained on assignment.

Haselberger said that when she started examining records in 2008 of clergy under restrictions over sex misconduct with adults and children she found “nearly 20″ of the 48 men still in ministry. She said she repeatedly warned Nienstedt and his aides about the risk of these placements, but they took action only in one case. As a result of raising alarms, she said she was eventually shut out of meetings about priest misconduct. She resigned last year.

“Had there been any serious desire to implement change, it could have been done quickly and easily with the stroke of a single pen,” Haselberger wrote in the affidavit, released Tuesday in a civil lawsuit brought by attorney Jeff Anderson. “The archbishop’s administrative authority in his diocese is basically unlimited.”


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Comments:

  1. This one dovetails nicely with Desiato’s question what power the Pope has. So, either he is in on the cover-up, or he asked “who runs Bartertown” and came up with the wrong answer…

  2. It’s a resource issue. They are so short of priests that they were prepared to ignore child abuse. (Also they were bringing priests from India into Canada, for example, in a rather nice inversion of the missionary position.) Without priests, the money stops rolling in…

    I don’t care if their religion survives (it doesn’t deserve to) but even I can see the solution.

  3. The devil made them do it? Which religion is this?

Pope Francis: ‘About 2%’ of Catholic clergy paedophiles

Posted on July 13th, 2014 at 17:19 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

Pope Francis has been quoted as saying that reliable data indicates that “about 2%” of clergy in the Catholic Church are paedophiles.

The Pope said that abuse of children was like “leprosy” infecting the Church, according to the Italian La Repubblica newspaper.

He vowed to “confront it with the severity it demands”.

Yes, so you’ve been saying, but since I haven’t seen many handed over to authorities I think you underestimate the severity it demands.


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Comments:

  1. Some people who cover up crimes are worse than the original criminals.

  2. Does the Pope actually have the direct personal power to hand over priests to the police? Can you point to concrete evidence?

  3. According to this religion, all he needs to do is sit in a chair and what is says is by definition impossible to be wrong. At all.

    And you’re seriously asking if this guy has any direct personal power?

  4. @Desiato: Yes. They have all sworn an oath of obedience.

  5. Total number of people registered as sex-offender in the US: 747,408 – and that’s not just against minors, but:

    “What classifies someone as a sex offender varies by legal jurisdiction and culture. In the U.S. a person can convicted for prostitution, obscene content in the form of a text message, sex with a minor, child molestation, rape and various other sexual assault convictions”

    So, if you pee against a tree in the wrong state, you’re also counted. So that’s about 0.24 percent of the entire population.

    I suspect this “About 2%” is a number conveniently rounded down, but even if it isn’t, we can forget about the old notion that the number of child predators in Church is not any different from that in the general population.

  6. @John @#3: But do you think that the cardinals *actually* will do whatever the Pope says? You believe that there are no power politics in the Catholic Church, cos hey, what the Pope says is the Word of God? Really?

  7. @Desiato @#2: The Pope has the same direct personal power as anyone anywhere to report a crime.

    The bigger question is why the Church seems to claim that it has institutional immunity NOT to report crimes.

Christian Pastor Who Tortured a Child Will Spend No More Than Two Years in Prison

Posted on July 9th, 2014 at 18:25 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

Here’s what I know about the Heart of Worship Community Church in Corona, California: Its members love Jesus, its website needs a lot of help, and the pastor is fucked up.

This is what Pastor Lonny Lee Remmers (below), along with two church members, did to a 13-year-old boy in 2012 because he needed to be “disciplined”:

… The alleged incidents occurred in March and included [church members Nicholas James Craig and Darryll Duane Jeter Jr.] driving the unidentified boy to a desert and forcing him to dig his own grave for more than an hour. They allegedly hit him with a belt and threw dirt on him before returning to the group home.

While the boy was showering, one of the men allegedly rubbed salt into the cuts on his back. Witness Steven Larkey, who lives in the group home, told investigators he could hear the boy screaming and saw blood all over the shower the next day.

The boy, who was later taken into protective custody, also told police he had been stripped, tied to a chair and sprayed with Mace. Because he was not allowed to wash or cool off with water for half an hour, his nose began to bleed, and his thrashing from the pain caused the blood to splatter.

At a Bible study later that evening at Remmers’ home, Remmers asked the boy to sit in the middle of the group and then squeezed his nipple with pliers.

What’s the proper punishment for the abuse and torture of a little boy? A life sentence? A couple of decades behind bars?

Not even close. The men of God will receive, at most, up to two years in prison and some probation. That’s it. In most states, you get a harsher penalty for selling weed.


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Comments:

  1. Lock the parents up too. They probably requested the extra discipline.

  2. Squeeze his nipples with electrified tweezers while simultaneously dipping his dick in hot pepper mash.

Child sexual abuse royal commission: Vatican declines request to provide all documents relating to Australian priests

Posted on July 5th, 2014 at 18:46 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

The head of the Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse, Justice Peter McClellan, revealed last month that he had personally written to the Vatican, seeking copies of all documents relating to complaints about abuse involving priests in Australia.

The Vatican has provided documents to the royal commission relating to two cases, but Justice McClellan wanted more information to find out how church authorities in Australia, under the guidance or direction of the Vatican, responded to allegations of abuse.

In a written response, the Vatican says the Holy See maintains the confidentiality of internal deliberations, adding that it would be inappropriate to provide such documents.

Leonie Sheedy, founder and chief executive of Care Leavers Australia Network, a support group for victims of child sexual abuse says the Catholic Church is treating the Australian public with contempt.

“I’m not surprised … I feel like the Catholic Church believes it is above the laws of Australia and probably the world,” she said.


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Comments:

  1. Can’t a royal commission compel answers, under oath, from any Australian?

  2. Treating the public with contempt? What was your first clue? I really believe politician are even dumber than we thought.

‘As A Straight Christian American…’ – BK’s ‘Proud Whopper’ Just Too Much for Homophobes

Posted on July 4th, 2014 at 8:25 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

Calling it a “sodomy burger” made by “Burger Queen,” anti-gay, homophobic, outraged Bible-waving social media users claiming to be Christian went on the attack almost as soon as Burger King changed its Facebook page photo to unveil its “Proud Whopper” yesterday. The billion-dollar fast food giant had introduced the burger — which is merely an ordinary Whopper wrapped in rainbow pride flag-like paper — at San Francisco’s pride parade, which it also sponsored.

“You need to keep sexual preference out of my food! I’ll be eating at the Chick Fil A”


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Comments:

  1. Love thy neighbour…

  2. Sodomy burger? Isn’t that a double whopper with a hot dog in the middle?

  3. So, if they don’t want to eat a Proud Whopper, let them eat cake!

Minnesota Archbishop John Nienstedt

Posted on July 2nd, 2014 at 17:16 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

Twin Cities (Minnesota) Archbishop John Nienstedt has spent years arguing against LGBT rights. In 2007, he wrote that “those who actively encourage or promote homosexual acts… formally cooperate in a grave evil and, if they do so knowingly and willingly, are guilty of mortal sin.” He condemned Brokeback Mountain when it came out. And he spent $650,000 of the Church’s money trying to convince Minnesota voters to pass an amendment banning same-sex marriage — an amendment that ultimately failed.

So guess what an investigation just found? GUESS! (Oh, this is too damn easy…)


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Comments:

  1. Give him credit for consistency, though. The archbishop doesn’t “encourage or promote homosexual acts”. He forces those acts on the unwilling.


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