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Pope Francis: Catholic church has zero tolerance for paedophile priests

Posted on June 1st, 2014 at 13:14 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


Pope Francis has announced his first meeting with a group of sexual abuse victims at the Vatican, declaring that any priests involved in molesting children had performed the equivalent of “a satanic mass”.

“We must go ahead with zero tolerance,” the pope said, adding that three bishops were currently under investigation.

“Sexual abuse is such an ugly crime … because a priest who does this betrays the body of the Lord. It is like a satanic Mass,” said Francis in some of the toughest language he has used on a crisis that has rocked the Church for more than a decade.

Conveniently missing is the phrase “we will hand them over to civil authorities”.

Also missing is the date this zero tolerance begins, since “must go ahead” implies they are still not doing to this very day. Sorry Francis, but I have zero tolerance for marketing bullshit.

Oh, and note that raping kids has far more real-world effects than breaking the rules of your role playing fantasy world satanic mass.

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  1. Er, John? How do I write “Bullsh#t” in 72-point or above?

    ‘Cos I really feel the need to shout that…

  2. Does this help?

  3. Yep, that’ll do it.

Bangladeshi Muslims call for execution of blasphemers

Posted on May 31st, 2014 at 23:53 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News



Thousands of Islamist protesters marched the streets of Bangladesh’s capital, calling for the death penalty for bloggers who insult Islam. The city ground to a halt as demonstrators demanded the government change the law to punish blasphemers.

The activists gathered in their thousands at Dhaka’s commercial hub on Friday night in protest over blasphemous bloggers who offend Islamist sensibilities on social networks. In a demonstration that lasted well into Saturday, they urged the government to introduce a new law with the provision of the death penalty for those who defame Islam.

As the protesters advanced they chanted: “God is great, hang the atheist bloggers!”

Blasphemy against Islam comes with the punishment of dismemberment, because Islam is a religion of pieces.

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  1. Scary thought: What if everyone tried to kill anyone that disagreed with them? Zombies?

  2. Islam prohibits the killing innocents, such as women and children, so I guess that makes suicide bombers and those who encourage them to blow up markets, businesses, etc. blasphemers as well. The only problem is that the bomber themselves have already been “executed”. That just leaves taking out the instigators of their actions and having THEM dismembered – preferably in public… Let the punishment fit the crime!

  3. Islam prohibits the killing innocents

    And who gets to define “innocent”?

“Would you like and Friars with that?”

Posted on May 29th, 2014 at 9:50 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

Screen Shot 2014-05-29 at 09.50.11

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  1. At least they are offering you a lube while they screw you over

Meah She’arim in Jerusalem

Posted on May 28th, 2014 at 17:45 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


Those poor, poor men.. They are so amazingly weak-minded that a simple t-shirt would make them lose all control.

How pathetic is that?

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  1. No mention of assless chaps for the chaps, though.

  2. Macho-Macho-Man.


Posted on May 26th, 2014 at 8:42 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News


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  1. Fascinating use of design. Highly ironic demonstration of the colourful media that are exchanged in many camps of the nomadic and endangered “Tea Party”.

    Compared to the traditionally painted, folk art graffiti trucks we’ve seen before, this might on first glance, appear to be a derivative and commercial production. However, the tell-tale non-removal of outdated material represents a genuine longing for a return to the mores of yesteryear.

Pope Francis praises Jordan at start of Middle East visit

Posted on May 25th, 2014 at 20:47 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


The Pope’s journey marks the 50th anniversary of the historic meeting in Jerusalem between Pope Paul VI and the head of the Orthodox Church, Patriarch Athenagoras.


He will also meet the current Ecumenical Orthodox Patriarch, Bartholomew, and they will sign a declaration of friendship.

And since the Church of the Holy Sepulchre is part of his itinerary, perhaps they can cooperate in fixing this little problem. You know, start with something easy, work up from there?

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Exorcism scam ruined by phone call

Posted on May 20th, 2014 at 10:49 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

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  1. I wonder who the quality control official is (was) for the preacher?

  2. “Hello? Satan? These people are trying to get you out of my mind. What should I do?”

John Cleese Despises Christianity

Posted on May 15th, 2014 at 13:05 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

Or, just watch the Not The Nine-O’Clock News summary:

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  1. Malcolm Muggeridge, one of the 20th Century’s Greatest Shits.

    Tell young people today that such a man was given constant media exposure and they’ll not believe you.

  2. Small title correction: Cleese in fact says he despises “THAT FORM of Christianity”.

Un-biblical gun laws

Posted on May 13th, 2014 at 14:45 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News

The only thing holding Japan back from “pearl harbor II: The reharboring” is a local gun law in California.

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Vatican Releases Sex Abuse Stats: 2,572 Priests Sanctioned, 848 Defrocked

Posted on May 7th, 2014 at 13:41 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


The Vatican released comprehensive statistics for the first time Tuesday on how it has disciplined priests accused of raping and molesting children, saying 848 priests have been defrocked and another 2,572 given lesser sanctions over the past decade.

The Vatican’s U.N. ambassador in Geneva, Archbishop Silvano Tomasi, revealed the figures during a second day of grilling by a U.N. committee monitoring implementation of the U.N. treaty against torture.

Tomasi insisted the convention applied only inside the tiny Vatican City state. But he nevertheless released statistics about how the Holy See has adjudicated sex abuse cases globally, and significantly, he didn’t dispute the committee’s contention that sexual violence against children can be considered torture.

Tomasi said that since 2004, more than 3,400 credible cases of abuse had been referred to the Vatican, including 401 cases in 2013 alone. He said that over the last decade, 848 priests had been defrocked, or returned to the lay state by the pope. Another 2,572 were sentenced to a lifetime of penance and prayer or some other lesser sanction, which is often used when the accused priest is elderly or infirm.

And no mention of jail, prison, or arrests. Just, a few thousand have been told to stop it, and almost a thousand loss their job.

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  1. Approximately 400,000 Catholic priests in the world.

  2. key phrase is “had been referred to the Vatican”. How many were “handled” by local authorities, up to and including the local bishop or even cardinal?

Vatican poised for 2nd grilling this year on abuse

Posted on May 5th, 2014 at 14:02 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


A U.N. committee begins meeting Monday in Geneva to examine whether the Vatican’s record on child protection violates the U.N. Convention Against Torture, which it ratified in 2002. The Vatican argues its responsibility for enforcing the U.N. treaty against torture only applies within the confines of the tiny Vatican City, which has fewer than 1,000 inhabitants in an area less than half a square-kilometer in size, making it the smallest country in the world.

But a U.N. committee that monitors a key treaty on children’s rights blasted the Holy See in January, accusing it of systematically placing its own interests over those of victims by enabling priests to rape and molest tens of thousands of children through its own policies and code of silence. And that committee rejected a similar argument the Vatican made trying to limit its responsibility.

If a U.N. committee finds the abuse amounts to torture and inhuman treatment, that could open the floodgates to abuse lawsuits dating back decades because there are no statute of limitations on torture cases, said Katherine Gallagher, a human rights attorney for the Center for Constitutional Rights, a nonprofit legal group based in New York. The group submitted reports on behalf of victims to both committees urging closer U.N. scrutiny of the church record on child abuse.

Gallagher said that rape legally can constitute a form of torture because of the elements of intimidation, coercion, and exploitation of power, and that it is a “disingenuous argument” for the Vatican to assert its only responsibility for the anti-torture treaty lies within Vatican City.

When they signed the treaty, Vatican officials said they were only doing so on behalf of Vatican City not the Holy See, which is the governing structure of the universal church.

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Could you show us on this doll where God entered your body?

Posted on May 5th, 2014 at 8:28 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


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  1. This is so exciting: the vehicle is inhabited by the HG and is testifying!
    It’s the Second Coming and God is driving the car!

    (Strange that it would happen to a Honda, though. I’m kind of disappointed He didn’t choose a Cadillac, or at least something American.)

Christians in Virginia plan 40-day fast to protest gay marriage

Posted on May 4th, 2014 at 9:44 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


A Christian group in Virginia is planning a 40-day fast to promote its conservative definition of marriage.

The Family Foundation of Virginia is encouraging pastors and congregations to fast between Aug. 27 and Oct. 5 to fight against the legalization of gay marriage — in Virginia and around the country.


The Christian tradition of fasting can include anything from consuming only water from sunrise to sunset, to abstaining from a particular temptation — such as chocolate.

I’m sure their god will listen to them after not eating their kit-kats for a while.

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Here’s the First Look at the New Satanic Monument Being Built for Oklahoma’s Statehouse

Posted on May 3rd, 2014 at 8:34 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News



In January the Satanic Temple announced plans to erect a monument glorifying the Dark Lord on the front lawn of the Oklahoma Statehouse. An Indiegogo campaign was launched with what seemed like a somewhat lofty goal of $20,000, but by the time donations ended almost $30,000 had been raised. Now an artist trained in classical sculpture is toiling away in New York, crafting a Baphomet figure sitting beneath an inverted pentagram and flanked by two children gazing upward in loyalty. When it is finished, it will be cast in bronze and, the Satanists hope, eventually displayed in Oklahoma.

The statue is a direct response to the state’s installation of a Ten Commandments monument outside the Capitol in 2012. State Representative Mike Ritze paid for the controversial statue with his own money, and therefore it was considered a donation and OK to place on government property. Following that line of reasoning, the Satanic Temple submitted a formal application for their monument.

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  1. Why not? If we truly have “separation of church and state”, then if one religious idiot can put an icon on public property, then any other can as well… Now, who wants to donate to the Oklahoma Statehouse Pastafarian Flying Spaghetti Monster monument?

  2. They could have gotten the same reaction with solar panels.

Spanish government to face court after policing award given to the Virgin Mary

Posted on May 1st, 2014 at 1:47 by Sueyourdeveloper in category: Pastafarian News


Spain‘s government is being taken to court over a minister’s decision to give the country’s top policing award to a statue of the Virgin Mary.

The country’s interior minister, Jorge Fernández Díaz, singled out an icon of the Virgin Mary, in Málaga, to receive the gold medal of police merit – which is normally reserved for police who have died in terrorist attacks.

Announcing the award in February, Díaz lauded the Virgin and her congregation for “maintaining a close collaboration with police, particularly during the acts celebrated in Holy Week, and for sharing police values such as dedication, caring, solidarity and sacrifice”.

Watch out! That mother is holding a bermb!

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  1. The winner of next year’s award will be a pet rock (sorry if some of you don’t remember what a pet rock is). Come to think of it, a statue is something like a pet rock.

Catholic Church affirms late Bishop’s molestation

Posted on April 25th, 2014 at 18:45 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


The abuse registration point of the Catholic Church has ruled that four complaints of molestation against the late Bishop Jan Niënhaus are founded.

Bishop Jan Niënhaus (picture Katholiek Documentatie Centrum, Nijmegen)Niënhaus died in 2000. The abuse of underaged boys apparently took place from the 19850’s to the early 1970’s. This was confirmed today by the archbishopric of Utrecht, after reports by Volkskrant newspaper.

Niënhaus, who formally served as substitute Bishop in Utrecht and Benda, is the second Dutch bishop of whom the registration point finds grounds that claims of child abuse are grounded. Earlier the abuse by bishop Jo Gijsen was affirmed.

Cardinal Wim Eijk has said that he “regrets that the abuse took place” and that he hopes that affirmation ‘can help in the victims’ process of healing.

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  1. For one dizzying moment, I thought it was the bishop who was molested.

Creationist Cosmos

Posted on April 15th, 2014 at 17:19 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

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  1. This is so funny, but sadly there are millions of people in USA that believe this stuff.

    I had someone tell me about Satan and fossils about 40 years ago, still makes me sad that a college graduate could be so ignorant.

    Carl Sagan – Demon Haunted World:


  2. @Joe: Great link. A fantastic book with an excellent list of fallacies in the chapter on baloney detection.

Mike Huckabee: Not ‘homophobic’ but on the ‘right side of the Bible’

Posted on April 13th, 2014 at 15:08 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

(while he wears a silk tie, cotton shirt and wool jacket)

And the bible is on the wrong side of morality, equality, math, science, logic, consistency, and the very basics of strory-telling.

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  1. And it wasn’t written by white guys.

Pope assumes responsibility for priest sex abuse

Posted on April 12th, 2014 at 16:21 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


Pope Francis said Friday he took personal responsibility for the “evil” of priests who raped and molested children, asking forgiveness from victims and saying the church must be even bolder in its efforts to protect the young. It was the first time a pope has taken personal responsibility for the sex crimes of his priests and begged forgiveness.

So are you personally going to serve all those multi-year sentences the perps should have gotten, or are you going to send them to the authorities now?

No? Pretty empty gesture then.

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  1. What of the personal responsibility of the people that supported this criminal activity knowing it was their kids that were being raped?

  2. @chas: You mean the sheep, er, the flock, right?

Rules Are for Schmucks: House Rules

Posted on April 12th, 2014 at 15:00 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


In 2012 a married couple in Massachusetts negotiated with the Catholic Diocese of Worcester to purchase a mansion previously used as a retreat center. They were puzzled when negotiations seemed to stall. Then, in an act of sublime stupidity, the church’s real estate broker accidentally forwarded them a private email from Monsignor Thomas Sullivan, chancellor of the diocese, instructing her to stop dealing with these potential buyers because of the possibility they might use the house to conduct gay weddings. The married couple, you see, were both men.

They sued, and now the attorney general of Massachusetts is weighing in on their side. What’s truly astonishing in this day and age is that the church is contesting the case. You would think they’d instead act like a ten-year-old with her hand caught in the cookie jar: “Oops! My bad.” Instead, they are asserting their constitutional right to sell or not sell to whomever they please, as part of their free exercise of religion. As their lawyer puts it, “The legal question is: Do we have the right to refuse to sell the property for a use that we don’t approve of, that the diocese would not approve of?”


What’s truly memorable here is Monsignor Sullivan’s explanation of his position. “We wouldn’t sell our churches and our properties to any of a number of things that would reflect badly on the church,” he said. “These buildings are sacred to the memory of Catholics.”

A fascinating point of view, when you consider why the diocese is selling this particular property in the first place. For many years, this retreat center served as home base to a ring of pedophile priests, who committed the grave sin of getting caught. The huge financial payouts to the victims are what caused it to shut down and be put on the real estate market in the first place. Now, of course, the hallowed ground where this all occurred is too “sacred to the memory of Catholics” to allow a future legal wedding that might “reflect badly on the church.”

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Haters of the Lost Ark

Posted on April 10th, 2014 at 9:50 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

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  1. Watched that last night. Great episode.

The irony, oh it burns!

Posted on March 22nd, 2014 at 14:05 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


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  1. The irony is the Taliban are here, as well as there.

  2. @Sue W.
    The sad part is that these id10t’s don’t recognize that they are the Taliban of the west… :-(

Regular readers don’t need a name, and understand why I don’t give one.

Posted on March 20th, 2014 at 20:30 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

I have never wished a man dead, but I have read many an obituary with great pleasure.

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  1. Mr Darrow had a way with words. :)

  2. I won’t be attending (or picketing) the funeral, but I will send a nice letter saying I approve of it.

  3. Or to quote Hitchens, if they give the man an enema, they can bury him in a match box.

  4. Those whom the gods love, die young.

Silence condemned girls to pedophile

Posted on March 17th, 2014 at 11:09 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


Principal Terry Hayes, assistant principal Megan Wagstaff, student protection officer Catherine Long and senior Catholic Education Office staff Chris Fry and Ian Hunter first heard pedophilia allegations against a Toowoomba primary school teacher Gerry Byrnes in September 2007.

None of them ever told police or parents.

The former bishop of Toowoomba, Bill Morris, who didn’t hear about the abuse until after Byrnes’ 2008 arrest, can’t understand why all five failed to report him.

“It’s stunning, I know. I can’t get my head around it. Like I said to someone – well, we spoke about it recently. It’s not rocket science,” the bishop told the Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse on Monday.

The Catholic Church has proved it had a system on paper to report pedophilia, but witnesses have spoken of a more deeply ingrained culture of silence and protecting the Church.

“Do not compromise the bishop,” was the motto of the diocese at the time, claimed Mr Hayes, Mr Fry and Mr Hunter.

Bishop Morris said Church culture was to not believe child sex abuse victims.

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  1. This bishop was booted out by the last pope for telling everyone he was in favour of the ordination of women (gasp!), allowing clergy to marry, etc.

    He perhaps underestimated the desire for refuge from reality of his flock.


Posted on March 15th, 2014 at 13:27 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

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Man Saved From Submerged Car Credits God’s Grace For the Rescue… and Prepares to Sue His First Responders

Posted on March 15th, 2014 at 13:22 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News


A Colorado man who was rescued from his submerged car by first responders now claims, via his lawyer, that it was something else that saved him: grace, presumably of the divine kind.

And he’s getting ready to sue the people who pulled him to safety – because  he says they took too long to show up.

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  1. Even his ambulance chaser lawyer isn’t prepared to sue God.

God’s Wife Edited Out of the Bible

Posted on March 15th, 2014 at 13:09 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


God had a wife, Asherah, whom the Book of Kings suggests was worshiped alongside Yahweh in his temple in Israel, according to an Oxford scholar.

In 1967, Raphael Patai was the first historian to mention that the ancient Israelites worshiped both Yahweh and Asherah. The theory has gained new prominence due to the research of Francesca Stavrakopoulou, who began her work at Oxford and is now a senior lecturer in the department of Theology and Religion at the University of Exeter.


The ancient Israelites were polytheists, Brody told Discovery News, “with only a small minority worshiping Yahweh alone before the historic events of 586 B.C.” In that year, an elite community within Judea was exiled to Babylon and the Temple in Jerusalem was destroyed. This, Brody said, led to “a more universal vision of strict monotheism: one god not only for Judah, but for all of the nations.

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  1. It sounds like that Yahweh and Asherah were the Israelite version of Shiva and Shakti, Rama and Sita, Brahma and Saraswati, et al. This is the eternal pair – consciousness and creative energy. In the terms of the Sanskrit poem (spelt as well as I can in English), “Shiva shatyatmakang Brahma” – the combination of Shiva and Shakti (consciousness and energy) creates God (the universe).

  2. Yeah, we’ve all experienced the creeping misogyny of mythology. I mean who hears anything about Minnie Mouse anymore? Or Daisy Duck?

Some people have to tell you how religious they are because it isn’t apparent by their actions.

Posted on March 11th, 2014 at 15:53 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


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  1. I used this photo to test the Sell Your Car advertisement, it said you just had to input the registration number of the car and a valuation would be forthcoming. But no, they seem to want far too much information, honestly, I would just be guessing at the mileage.

    The Ford Freestar is not even sold in Europe.

    I can confirm that praying didn’t help the search.

  2. Wh isn’t it in mirror writing?

Pope says “no-one has done more” than Catholic Church to tackle child abuse

Posted on March 6th, 2014 at 16:51 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


Pope Francis has defended the Roman Catholic Church saying ‘no-one has done more’ to root out paedophilia.

Walk into any crowded place, swing a cat, and you’re sure to hit ten people who have done more.

Then again, they also caused most of it in the first place, so they had more to do..

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  1. Who knows how much they did behind closed doors. Maybe what’s publicly known is only a fraction.

  2. Read a fuller quote of his comments. Pfffff. Ugh.

  3. “No-one has done more” means nothing. In English at least the phrase is famous as weasel words. It’s a sign of bad faith imo. Just sayin’.

    “Now that I’ve found Jesus, I don’t smoke dope no more…
    (Don’t smoke it no less neither…)”

  4. This is a Catholic thing. It was their children that were being molested. I’m sure they’ll find relief in the pope’s words.

White Homosexual Takes Black Woman’s Man – and it is Obama who caused it all!

Posted on February 28th, 2014 at 11:25 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News

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  1. I’ll betcha $10 that preacher is gay. Can we let him know somehow that that is ok? Poor guy is really struggling with a lot of guilt and anxiety. Dude, really, it’s ok.

  2. He does very upset. Did someone ask him out?

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