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South Carolina

Posted on March 25th, 2013 at 11:14 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

apiAP1O


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  1. Just another member of the Baptist Taliban – and its an NC plate.

  2. Oh, this is great! Bad syntax, poor capitalization and punctuation, and a totally ambiguous message (except for the normal “Stay clear of this pickup, lest ye be shot.”)

Saudi top cleric: Twitter for clowns

Posted on March 24th, 2013 at 15:20 by Sueyourdeveloper in category: Pastafarian News

Quote

Saudi Arabia’s top religious cleric has criticised the social media website Twitter, calling it “a council for jokesters” and a place for unjust, incorrect messages.

Grand Mufti Sheikh Abdul-Aziz Al-Sheikh made the remarks during a speech to other Saudi clerics on Friday.

The Mufti’s remarks came on the same day that an imam at Mecca’s Grand Mosque said people had the right to express themselves, but should do so cautiously in order to protect the nation’s prestige and unity.

Earlier this year, the Mufti called on Muslims to avoid Twitter as it “invited [people] to throw charges between them, and to lie in a manner that brings fame to some”.

Can we have your venerated opinion about Fox News, your godliness?


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Twitter

Posted on March 22nd, 2013 at 18:08 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

xRVjOF3


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Cardinal was in physical relationship with accuser

Posted on March 22nd, 2013 at 17:57 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

If you predicted that the Scottish Cardinal who was forced to resign was, indeed, gay, you can come forward and claim your price


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Beware ‘Scamsters in Religious Garb’

Posted on March 22nd, 2013 at 9:59 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

Of course, if CBN viewers actually followed Robertson’s advice, he’d be in deep trouble.


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Comic Relief Archbishop sketch draws 2,200 complaints

Posted on March 21st, 2013 at 15:23 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

A Comic Relief sketch featuring Rowan Atkinson as the Archbishop of Canterbury has drawn more than 2,200 complaints to the BBC.


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Comments:

  1. What did they complain about? That is wasn’t funny enough?

  2. I’d say that 2,200 out of 12.3 million viewers was just the lunatic fringe Anglican People’s Front. I thought it was an affectionate and gentle parody.

  3. Maybe it was the People’s Front of Anglica! …Splitters! :)

Pope Francis says atheists can be ‘allies’ for the church

Posted on March 21st, 2013 at 15:19 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

Pope Francis extended a hand to those who don’t belong to any religion, urging them on Wednesday to work with believers to build peace and protect the environment.

In his first ecumenical meeting, the new pope greeted representatives from Christian churches and other religions, including Jewish and Muslim leaders, who had come to Rome to attend his inaugural Mass on Tuesday.

Francis said that he intends to follow “on the path of ecumenical dialogue” set for the Roman Catholic Church by the Second Vatican Council (1962-65).

But he also reached out to those who don’t belong “to any religious tradition” but feel the “need to search for the truth, the goodness and the beauty of God.”

Francis echoed his predecessor, Pope Benedict XVI, saying that the “attempt to eliminate God and the divine from the horizon of humanity” has often led to catastrophic violence.

But Francis, who has set a humbler tone to the papacy since his election on March 13, added that atheists and believers can be “precious allies” in their efforts “to defend the dignity of man, in the building of a peaceful coexistence between peoples and in the careful protection of creation.”

One requirement “to defend the dignity of man, in the building of a peaceful coexistence between peoples and in the careful protection of creation” is a significant decrease in the influence Church has, and I guess that’s not what francis means.

Also, they should place the quotes correctly. If you do it like this:

the “need to search for the truth, the goodness and the beauty of God.”

you would think “well, two out of three ain’t bad”. But Francis wants the quotes like this:

the “truth, goodness, and beauty” of god.

And suddenly us atheists are zero for three. If the church still had the power to burn us at the stake, I doubt he would waste his time with us.


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Comments:

  1. Usually the “dignity of man” means telling us all what to do with our wedding tackle, so no change there.

Iraqi Scientist Proves The Earth Is Flat and Much Larger than the Sun

Posted on March 19th, 2013 at 10:12 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News


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Comments:

  1. And if you look over the edge, there be dragons! :rolleyes:

  2. “Scientist”.

  3. This could be Kansas Fox news production done by Iraqi actors…not much difference in level of idiocy.

  4. Actually, if you look over the side you will see 4 elephants standing on the back of a turtle.

    And yes, Terry Pratchett is a god.

‘Paedophilia not criminal condition’ says Durban cardinal

Posted on March 18th, 2013 at 1:19 by Sueyourdeveloper in category: Pastafarian News

Quote 

The Catholic Archbishop of Durban, Wilfrid Fox Napier, has described paedophilia as a psychological “illness, not a criminal condition”.

The South African cardinal told the BBC that people who were themselves abused as children and then abused others needed to be examined by doctors…

He said he knew at least two priests, who became paedophiles after themselves being abused as children.

“Now don’t tell me that those people are criminally responsible like somebody who chooses to do something like that. I don’t think you can really take the position and say that person deserves to be punished. He was himself damaged.”

Did those priests commit crimes against children? Are they being allowed to continue as priests?


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Comments:

  1. My parents stole my toys from me when I was a kid and that’s why I became a thief. It’s not my fault!

  2. [Quote]:

    A South African cardinal on Monday apologized for offending victims of child abuse when he described paedophilia as an illness and not a crime in a media interview.

    Victims’ rights groups and others said the comments by Cardinal Wilfrid Fox Napier, the Catholic Archbishop of Durban, comments were insensitive, especially given perceptions the Catholic Church has not done enough to root out abuse.

    “I apologize sincerely and unreservedly to all who were offended by the botched interview, and especially to those who have been abused and need every help and support that the Church can give,” Napier said in a statement.

  3. What would Jesus say?

    How about: “Sexual interest in children is common and a regrettable part of human behaviour. It is something that should be treated, but it can lead to criminal actions both by the pedophile and his/her employers. Our priority is protecting the most vulnerable.”

‘It’s God’s Plan!’ Baptist Pastor Told 17 Year Old Girl Jesus Wanted Them to Have Sex

Posted on March 16th, 2013 at 11:12 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

The underage victim, who spent her entire life in the church listening to Schaap preach three times a week, wrote that she thought he was the voice of God.

“He told me to confide in him, to trust him, and he made me feel safe and comfortable around him as a man of God,” the girl wrote in official documents. “[Schaap] preyed on that trust and my vulnerability.”


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Comments:

  1. When somebody is invoking “It is God’s will!”, then he really means: “*I* want!”. Always.

    “It is God’s plan that we have sex” of course means: “*I* want to have sex with you”.

  2. More proof that religion makes people stupid.

  3. Right, without religion everyone would be smarter and no one would be duped by devious men.

  4. Desiato, I agree with your comment. To further elaborate, people that substitute dogma for science and logic are stupid.

Pope Francis first day in office

Posted on March 15th, 2013 at 13:28 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

“He who does not pray to the Lord prays to the devil”

Only the Sith deal in absolutes.


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Can’t be a coincidence!

Posted on March 14th, 2013 at 13:26 by John Sinteur in category: Google, Pastafarian News

2LXeTKg


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  1. Hands up, all those who will stop using Chrome.

’Oops, I took the wrong door, I thought it was the chapel.’

Posted on March 12th, 2013 at 15:22 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

A day ahead of the papal conclave, faces at the scandal-struck Vatican were even redder than usual after it emerged that the Holy See had purchased a €23 million (£21 million) share of a Rome apartment block that houses Europe’s biggest gay sauna.

The senior Vatican figure sweating the most due to the unlikely proximity of the gay Europa Multiclub is probably Cardinal Ivan Dias, the head of the Congregation for Evangelisation of Peoples, who is due to participate in tomorrow’s election at the Sistine Chapel.

This 76-year-old “prince of the church” enjoys a 12-room apartment on the first-floor of the imposing palazzo, at 2 Via Carducci, just yards from the ground floor entrance to the steamy flesh pot. There are 18 other Vatican apartments in the block, many of which house priests.

[..]

Cardinal Dias, who is seen as a social conservative even by the current standards of the church hierarchy, is no doubt horrified to learn of the activities taking place a floor below.

No, I’m pretty sure he knew exactly what he was getting into.


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Kissing the Pope’s ring

Posted on March 8th, 2013 at 11:59 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


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Vatican accused of cover up over Cardinal Keith O’Brien’s ‘sexual conduct’

Posted on March 5th, 2013 at 18:39 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

Revelations that the most senior Roman Catholic cleric in Britain had a secret sex life cast a shadow over the first day of a meeting of the Church’s cardinals as they gathered to choose a successor to Benedict XVI, now Pope Emeritus.

The 142 “princes of the church” met in the Paul VI Hall of the Vatican to discuss the Church’s problems and the sort of qualities required of the new pope to deal with them.

But officials in Rome and the Vatican’s representative to Britain flatly refused to discuss how long Benedict XVI had known about the accusations against Cardinal O’Brien or how many accusers there are.

[..]

Claims emerged yesterday that a fifth priest had come forward as early as October last year, sending a complaint directly to the Vatican about alleged approaches by Cardinal O’Brien.

The Vatican has said that the British cardinal tendered his resignation around November last year, in anticipation of turning 75 this month.

That prompted speculation that the Vatican negotiated a deal months ago in which the British cardinal would retire quietly in an attempt to spare embarrassing the Church. It has been alleged that the deal was brokered by Cardinal Marc Ouellet of Canada, the head of the Vatican’s Congregation of Bishops and one of the front-runners to be elected pope.

Vatican spokesmen refused to answer questions about whether an official investigation had been opened into the scandal. “I have no precise information,” Fr Federico Lombardi said in response to questions by The Daily Telegraph. “We don’t want to spend all week talking about Cardinal O’Brien.”


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Comments:

  1. Ouellet just gave a smug’n'cosy interview with CBC TV in which he basically claimed that the Canadian branch had already cleaned up its act and implied there were no problems. He looked straight in the camera.

  2. @Sue W
    Of course he looked right at the camera. Who’d believe the lie if he looked shifty?

  3. @Kharkov: Totally straight for an old white guy wearing a dress, that is :-)

  4. @Kharkov: Totally straight for an old white guy in a dress wearing beads, that is.

Catholic Church’s attempt to evade responsibility for child abuse liability is stymied by UK Supreme Court

Posted on March 5th, 2013 at 11:24 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

The Supreme Court has this week refused to hear a case from the Catholic Church that it could not be held responsible for abuse committed by one of its priests because he was not an ‘employee’. This means the Catholic Church can now be financially liable for child abuse by priests working under its control.

The case arose when a Portsmouth woman brought a civil action against the Church after claiming she was abused by a priest at a children’s home run by the Church.

The woman, identified in court as Miss E, was seven years old when she was admitted to the Firs Children’ Home in 1970. She alleges she was sexually abused by Father Wilfred Baldwin, a priest of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Portsmouth, who died in 2006.

In November 2011, High Court judge Mr Justice Alistair MacDuffs ruled that the church is legally responsible for sexual abuse committed by its priests. This week’s ruling by the Supreme Court has now confirmed that decision.


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Cardinal Keith O’Brien admits inappropriate ‘sexual conduct’ following allegations

Posted on March 4th, 2013 at 9:05 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

In a statement issued by the Catholic church in Scotland, Cardinal Keith O’Brien has addressed allegations made against him by five priests within the church, and admitted that his “sexual conduct” has been “below the standards expected” of him.


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Comments:

  1. It would be hard to have a standard of behaviour below what I expect of a Catholic clergyman.

    Still, he doesn’t get it, does he? It’s not the sexual conduct (nothing wrong with asking a person for a fuck) so much as the hypocrisy, lying, covering up criminal behaviour. (I presume he’s not been “inappropriate” with children – that’s a different matter.)

Vatican reeling as DNA tests show communion wafers contain 0% Christ

Posted on March 3rd, 2013 at 15:23 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

The Vatican is this morning facing a further crisis after routine DNA tests revealed that the communion wafers used in Sunday mass contain 0% of the body and blood of Christ.

[..]

Catholic Simon Williams told us, “So what have I been eating all these years? It’s not bloody horse is it?”


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  1. There are times I’m glad I’m a non-catholic vegetarian! :-)

The career incentives of Jihadi clerics (how a glass ceiling generates extremism?)

Posted on March 3rd, 2013 at 11:53 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

This paper explains why some Muslim clerics adopt the ideology of militant Jihad while others do not.

I argue that clerics strategically adopt or reject Jihadi ideology because of career incentives generated by the structure of cleric educational networks. Well-connected clerics enjoy substantial success at pursuing comfortable careers within state-run religious institutions and they reject Jihadi ideology in exchange for continued material support from the state.

Clerics with poor educational networks cannot rely on connections to advance through the state-run institutions, so many pursue careers outside of the system by appealing directly to lay audiences for support. These clerics are more likely to adopt Jihadi ideology because it helps them demonstrate to potential supporters that they have not been theologically coopted by political elites.

I provide evidence of these dynamics by collecting and analyzing 29,430 fatwas, articles, and books written by 91 contemporary clerics. Using statistical natural language processing, I measure the extent to which each cleric adopts Jihadi ideology in their writing. I combine this with biographical and network information about each cleric to trace the process by which poorly-connected clerics become more likely to adopt Jihadi ideology.


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  1. Organized religion – just another bureaucracy exploiting its minions for their own self preservation. Fraudsters.

Being Pope Was Great, But You Can’t Play Make-Believe Forever

Posted on March 1st, 2013 at 12:44 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

For the past eight years, it has been my distinct pleasure to serve as head of the Roman Catholic Church. Spreading the message of the Bible around the world and sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ is an experience I wouldn’t trade for anything. Honestly, I had a ball. But at some point, you just have to face the facts and realize that you can’t play make-believe forever.

[..]

When I sit down and actually think about the things I did all the time as pope, it’s kind of embarrassing. I made people tell me all the details of the things they’ve done wrong. I moved my arms through the air and claimed that people had been blessed because of it. And get this—a couple weeks ago, I literally dipped my fingers in ashes and smeared it on people’s foreheads and told them they would live forever. How messed up is that? That’s just not what a mature, functional adult does.


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A New Pope

Posted on February 28th, 2013 at 13:51 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


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Two Popes, One Secretary

Posted on February 28th, 2013 at 11:44 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

So Benedict’s handsome male companion will continue to live with him, while working for the other Pope during the day. Are we supposed to think that’s, well, a normal arrangement?


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U.K. Cardinal Resigns In Wake Of—Get This—Sex Abuse Allegations

Posted on February 26th, 2013 at 18:01 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

“Cardinal O’Brien has tendered his resignation following, and I know this comes as a bombshell, allegations that he made a series of unwanted physical and verbal overtures directed at young men under his purview,” said archdiocese representative Thomas Heron, referring to claims lodged by four former and current priests that the Scottish archbishop sexually harassed them over several years. “If these assertions are true, then, as difficult as this is to fathom, he used his position of power to lure young men into his residence and abused the high level of trust they had placed in him.”

“Bet you never thought you’d hear comments like these in regards to a highly devout member of the church,” Heron added.

The allegations of sexual misconduct, which, again, have reportedly thrown everybody for a loop, have caused even greater alarm because, surprise, surprise, O’Brien is one of the church’s most strident ideological hardliners, having rigorously opposed homosexuality in all its forms.

Furthermore—and you might want to sit down for this—preliminary reports indicate that the Catholic Church may actually have been fully aware of the accusations against O’Brien, and yet concealed his misbehavior in order to safeguard its reputation.


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Comments:

  1. Who could have seen this one coming?” said local Edinburgh resident and parish member Lorna Paterson
    Answer — apparently a lot of his victims

  2. Good lord, now The Onion is becoming a reliable source for news. Poe’s Law strikes again. I’ll admit that I had to Google this to see if it’s true. (It is.)

  3. @Mykolas: eww! :-) …I am definitely going to meet you in Hell!

  4. @Suew – Great, let’s make it a date! I make a mean Fra diavolo pasta sauce.

  5. @Mykolas: Made with actual clergymen? Tempting…I’ll try and find my immortal soul and get back to you.

Pope candidate Cardinal Turkson: Pedophilia is a white thing

Posted on February 25th, 2013 at 17:33 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

His name is Cardinal Peter Turkson of Ghana, and he’s one of the top candidates being considered for next Pope.  He’s also has some very disturbing theories on what makes white people tick.  You see, Cardinal Turkson, who is black, thinks only white people are capable of being pedophiles or gay (which he considers the same thing).

Cardinal Turkson was asked about the Catholic church’s ongoing pedophile scandal, and whether there was a chance the scandal might spread to Africa – most of the cases have been in western Europe and America.

Turkson’s response included two basic parts:

1. The pedophile scandal is really a gay scandal.

2. It’s a white thing, so black Africa shouldn’t have a problem.

Cardinal Turkson also defended Uganda’s “kill the gays” bill, which would make homosexuality a crime worthy of the death penalty.  According to Cardinal Turkson, you have to be “fair” to the people who want to legislate the murder of gays, and understand that the hatred of gays is rooted in “tradition” in Africa, so that makes it okay


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  1. Apparently we are all going to hell; this isn’t going to stop, is it?

Scandals clouding pope’s final days

Posted on February 24th, 2013 at 15:44 by Sueyourdeveloper in category: Pastafarian News

Quote

Pope Benedict XVI has given his pontificate’s final blessing from his Vatican window to tens of thousands of people gathered at St Peter’s Square amid growing controversies swirling around his departure…

On the same day that the pontiff delivered his address, the UK’s Observer newspaper reported that three priests and a former cleric had accused the senior leader of the Catholic church in Britain of committing inappropriate behaviour against them.

Cardinal Keith O’Brien allegedly made the physical advances as far back as three decades ago.

Another wheel falling off? The Vatican is starting to look like a Nascar rally.


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Vatican denies swirling rumors as pope prepares to step down

Posted on February 24th, 2013 at 12:52 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

Vatican Secretary of State Tarcisio Bertone said it was “deplorable” that as the time for the Roman Catholic cardinals to elect a new pope approaches, a rash of “often unverified, unverifiable or completely false news stories” has appeared.

So, wait – the Church is telling us not to believe stories that cannot be verified?


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Comments:

  1. More interesting, it seems that these news stories are either “completely false” *OR* “unverified, unverifiable”. So they’re admitting that some of the rumors are partly true! Might be hard to tell which are which, though…

  2. Of course it’s always hard to tell which are witch.

  3. Wicked. How about “transubstantiated” stories? They are good at those I hear.

Benedict resignation linked to inquiry into ‘Vatican gay officials’, says paper

Posted on February 22nd, 2013 at 9:45 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

A potentially explosive report has linked the resignation of Pope Benedict XVI to the discovery of a network of gay prelates in the Vatican, some of whom – the report said – were being blackmailed by outsiders.

The pope’s spokesman declined to confirm or deny the report, which was carried by the Italian daily newspaper La Repubblica.


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  1. Why should we be surprised? Personally, I think all priests should be married – the gender of which partner is not relevant, IMO, otherwise how can they POSSIBLY know the issues that married couples face?

John Sweeney: Why Church of Scientology’s gravest threat is the ‘net

Posted on February 21st, 2013 at 19:20 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

[Quote]:

Back in 1995, when the net was still young, the late Robert Vaughn Young, an ex-scientologist, said the internet would be to Scientology what Vietnam was to the US: an unwinnable war.

Vaughn Young, a former spokesman for the controversial organisation, believed that the internet would create the first place where Scientology could be discussed openly.

Free speech has been an issue for the Church of Scientology (CoS) for a long time, and the internet has become the battleground of choice for those who want the church to be more open about its teachings. Not least, online activist groups, such as Anonymous, that targeted the church in a campaign against cyber-censorship.

[..]

The question is, now that the net has matured, was Vaughn-Young right?


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Comments:

  1. You’ll never got participation stats out of the CoS so it’ll be hard to know unless a defector from a central office spills the beans.

Jesus take the wheel… because I can’t see anything.

Posted on February 21st, 2013 at 14:55 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News

SNGQJk0


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Comments:

  1. Well, they’re not crazy enough to ruin their resale value by writing directly on the body of the car… :-p

  2. @Desiato: Have you ever tried getting that “duct tape” off a 1995 Ford Taurus after a few weeks in the sun? Will totally ruin the paintwork.

  3. Actually on second thoughts, it’s the duct tape that is holding the rear of the car together. That’s definitely going over a spiritual clift, if you ask me.

  4. Ya know, no, I haven’t tried that, so I’ll defer to your experience. :)

Job opening

Posted on February 21st, 2013 at 11:22 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

8tpPfFe


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